Tag Archives: Arthritis

DONE!!!

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It is such a great feeling to say that SPRING 2013 is DONE!! The last paper has been submitted to my professor…final grades are to be posted by the 13th…and now I can come home tomorrow and say I”m done! :) My goal is to rest for a few days…to regain some of my energy and then back into the research I go. I have to prep a study for publication and conduct a few more statistical analysis. And then I am prepping this study to go on to round two. I also want to find some good quantitative studies for a secondary analysis project. So yes a lot of things to do but it is nice to do it on my schedule and not on a time table for class.

The summer holds a second round of statistics and an internship class. Both will  keep me pretty busy but I hope that they both won’t be as hard as my first summer in the doctoral program. Boy was that rough! If I keep my nose in the books….I should be ok… I hope!!

I am proud to say I’ve finished this semester…despite the Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. You know the days that are so hard to get up…the days that just getting dressed and brushing my hair…those days where just doing those small things is just unbearable. The lack of sleep…the studying…it is good to know that it is worth it. This time next year I will be finishing my VERY LAST class! YES my very last classes of more than 10 years of studying! WOOHOO!! That is a major plus…that is what keeps me going!

So tonight I am off to rest and relax…so very thankful that I managed to finish this round of classes! I did not do it alone… I did it through the love and support of my husband, my closest friends…and of course my Molly, Precious and Pepper! If you think because you have RA and Fibro that you cannot have a life…you are mistaken. It will not be the life you want…it will be a painful life…but if can be a life that you still accomplish your dreams. One slow step at a time! I encourage you to remain focused on something that gets you up in the morning! The days you feel so alone (because yes we ALL have them) seek out a friend (email me) and get through that dark hard day. We can still change the world! We will change the world despite our INVISIBLE ILLNESS!!

#spoonie, #squeaker, #fighter, #Icandothis! And much more! Tonight is to us…we all fought this road together…congrats to finishing this semester, these past few months, the past few years…lets see what the summer holds for us!

 

Hang In There

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Wow what a week! The good news is that I am getting into a NEW research project but I am also trying to finish two projects and research on a third project.  YES STRESSFUL! But the good thing is that I am REALLY learning time management. Today I had to come home and take a five hour nap after my meetings because my body was sooo tired. And I have had a major Fibromyalgia flare since earlier this week. I hate how even my fingers throb with pain. The fatigue is bad and then it feels like every touch, even my clothes, bring stabbing pain.

I was reminded today of how great it will feel one day to be pain free! For me that means the day I move from this earth into a heavenly body (if science does not find a cure/treatment before then). That might sound sad but you know honestly it is so great to have faith. My faith keeps me going and I am holding onto that faith today as I remind myself….take a breath, organize, and keep focused.

I am so amazed by the opportunities in my life, the opportunity to share my story, the opportunity to develop myself academically, and the ability to develop into a more mature young woman. Do I wish I did not have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus…combine with Fibro… HECK YES! But I  am happy that I am using those for good.

My goal is to finish this last (or maybe not) degree by May 2015. Will that take a lot, A LOT , or work…HECK YES! But do I think I can do it…I will do my very very very best! I will stay focused, I will not be strayed…I will give it my all!

So back to the books I go! Hang in there…focus, breath, sleep, rest, relax, and stay focused!  WE GOT THIS!!

 

Goodnight Sunday..Hello Monday!

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It is 11:57p.m. Sunday night is ending…and Monday is beginning. I woke up today finally feeling better….although I will for sure be taking Clariten tomorrow (and for a few weeks)

Have a great Monday, as it is 11:58 p.m. I hope that we focus our minds into thinking of some positives for tomorrow. Like hopefully tomorrow my nose won’t be stuffy. Hopefully tomorrow my Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromylagia will be in check and I won’t hurt so bad!

It is 11:59p.m. now think about things that you want to work on to make YOUR LIFE BETTER! I want to  be a bit more patient, I want to be more thoughtful of others, and I want to smile a lot more!

As Sunday winds down to a close, I hope this week is amazing.

Hi 12:00:00a.m. HAPPY MONDAY!!!

 

A Restful Weekend

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How is your weekend going?? Mine week was crazy! Monday night I was at a dissertation workshop….it was stressful…scary but also very interesting. I find it much easier to do something when I know ahead a time. Yes I am a planner!!! Then Tuesday I was nervously trying to prepare for my presentation on Wednesday. Wednesday morning, I was very nervous but remembered that I had been preparing this presentation for over a month. I was as ready as I could be to teach on my chapter. Class went well and once I felt comfortable up in front of the class things went smoothly. I really wanted my cohort to have a better understanding of ethnic identity and acculturation. It is something many of us need to know about. So then Thursday flew by because it was one of those crazy days at work. I worked late into the night in my office, Molly doing her bests to stay occupied. She was a little bored of my study life :P

Friday I rested a lot, probably more than I should have but it had been such a busy week.  I did get out and enjoy a hockey game, sadly we lost, but it was still a lot of fun. Today though my plan is to write, write, write….I want to get a lot done! Great goal right! I have realize that we can plan, plan, plan but sometimes (many times) things do not work that way in life.

I was also wonderfully surprised last night by being notified I was admitted to doctoral candidacy. I almost cried…last year was soooo rough. I thought when I started working on my doctorate that I was prepared. That I could totally handle the study load…but you know (and you can read those blogs) last year was tough. Probably the toughest thing I had ever done. But now I realize it was worth it. It was worth the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights.  Why?? Because I am one step closer to being done. One step closer to saying that I successfully finished a doctorate program WHILE at the same time living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia.  I’m still amazed I have kept going….but you know I also realize my strength, confidence, and determination comes first from my faith and second from my dad. I want to make my dad proud, I know he won’t see me graduate but I hope that he would still in some way be proud of my accomplishments.  First and foremost my faith though has kept me going, I do not think  I could face my day to day journey with out my faith.

Living in pain, daily torturous pain….is so hard. Goodness it gets soooo sooo sooo old! And I think the hardest part is people do not get because they cannot see it. I think my constant prayer is that more people open their eyes to see my invisible pain. It would help that is for sure!! But off I go to do more homework :) Enjoy a wonderful Easter weekend.

 

Back up …Again

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Get yourself back up…AGAIN!!! This thought ran through my mind many times this week. As many people in the United States found…the weather might not have been our best friend. Thankfully where I live I did not get snow but I did get rain! And yes for those of us suffering with Rheumatoid Arthritis and/or Fibromyalgia….rain or inclement weather in general does not help us feel good at all! I remember several days this week (because many times we can feel the weather changing even before the weather does change)…I was mentally screaming at myself like a coach might….get up!! get up!!!

Functioning with pain is so hard!! The pain can cloud your mind..it can make even thinking about moving seem like a major major chore. I think Thursday felt like the worst day! The pollen outside was horrible..making my nose all stopped up and then I could feel a weather change coming. The day just drug on…the pain not ending! I wondered really….seriously…how am I supposed to function when I feel like utter crap!! I moved mentally and physically so slow!

Thankfully Friday was a little better but then Saturday yet another flare and so here I sit today, Sunday, still aching….yet still screaming at myself to get back up…again!! I have come to understand that I will fall down mentally and sometimes emotionally many different times of the day (yes in one day) but the key is not to get upset that I had to take a moment and cry about how much I hurt. The key is to just get back up and fight again!

This week I reminded myself of all I am working for….this degree, a future job, a career in higher education, a family and much more. I have a lot of good I can do….but that does not mean I have to be superwoman. I can acknowledge my pain, I can cry because it hurts so bad, and I can rest when I need to rest because things will work out.  For me, my faith keeps me going, and through my faith I acknowledge that life is held in bigger hands than mine. Sometimes I forget but the truth of the matter is that for me… I believe things will work out. My participants for my study will come, and I will be able to get all this homework done. That does not mean though that  I do nothing, I have to carry my weight and do my part. But there are just some things in this universe that I cannot control…and for those things I have trust, I have faith and I have hope that all things will work out for good. I might not see that good today, tomorrow or the next day but I believe things will be good.

So despite my pain, my horrid, tiring, exhausting, pain….I am going to get back up and go back to the paper I was working on. Because I planned ahead I can do pieces here and there and still get something quality turned in on time! :) Focus on something, and get back up…we are waiting on you!

 

Getting Through the Day

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Sometimes my first thought some mornings is…how in the world am I making it through today.  Kinda sad right but for me…mornings are so rough. The pain and the fibro fog ….make it just an act of congress to move out of my warm bed (typically because I probably just fell asleep!!).  But I do get up and I push myself to focus, to drive to work, to do homework, and to function.  But I can definitely feel myself doing much better afternoon..and much better in the evenings. Kind of an odd thought but I could not help but wonder…what would the day be like if it always started at noon! :P

If you are curious to know even more of my randomness, check out my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/stlralf (support those living with rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and fibromyalgia). I love the acronym RALF :P It is just random highlights from my day, sometimes they are pretty funny…depending on how insane my fibro fog is. :)

Off to go do more things today! Hugs!

 

Passing Time

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I love sometimes just sitting, listening to music, and thinking about life. Sometimes it is good to think of where I have been, where I want to go, and the path to get there. You know when I was younger, I always said…I would go back and change a lot of things about life…but now that I have matured…I think those things have helped make me into the woman I am today. Granted the changes in my life have not always been met with a smile :P ..too many times the changes have been met with anger or usually tears.

I know when I first found out I have Rheumatoid Arthritis…I was so angry …and so upset at the same time. I was only 23 years old…planning life. It took a while (more like a few months) to finally be alright with this disease. It took time to get to where I wanted to see what good I could do with the illness instead of just focusing on the bad. It took awhile to get the courage to tell people, who constantly kept saying “I will pray for healing”, that I would pray instead to pray for me to be positive and use this for good.

Through my RA (and Lupus) journey, I have learned about strength, perseverance, and determination.  I have learned who my true friend are and I have learned how important it is to look at everyone as if they might too have things in life that no one else can see. I have grown up and for that I am thankful!

When Fibromyalgia joined the mix…I won’t lie I was even more unhappy thinking that wasn’t RA/Lupus enough? But you know again, I have seen so much more realizing that I (and many others) despite how great we look…might have serious pain. I realize that my Fibro fog is real…and there are things I have to do in order to be successful despite the fog.

So the passing time has shown me there are many things I am thankful for but I am most thankful for the growth I have seen in me.

 

First Day of SPRING BREAK!!

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First day of Spring Break!! YAY! Of course my first day had to be one when I was sick to my stomach all day and curled up on the couch from pain! Really?? Well not that day I would have wanted but at least I got to stay at home and catch up on some shows…including Dallas (just hit Netflix!!). SCORE! So I have a whole schedule of homework planed! Although today was my ONE day to do ZERO homework! It feels great!

Tomorrow I have some reading to do, a powerpoint to work on, and then a paper to edit. My IRB‘s were approved so that means after Spring Break I can start working on my project! YAY! I’m excited…nervous..scared..but thrilled to be getting to this point in my research. I also will be presenting a chapter to the class on the 27th! WOW! Another ahhh moment but again working on my confidence and of course making sure I’m ready.

I have realized how Rheumatoid Arthritis impacts my eyes….my eyes are soo dry (officially Chronic Dry Eye —-I think Sjogrens). I wake up every morning and my eyes feel like sandpaper. I’m walking around with drops all the time and I have noticed that my vision is changing :( . Isn’t that sad! It is just another note to people who go “oh that is just arthritis.” Rheumatoid Arthritis is NOT just ARTHRITIS! It is so so so so much more!

My Fibromylagia decided to not be my friend today either! Don’t you love waking up in the morning and your hands/feet/legs have such pain!! Ahhh oh pain please leave! I think somedays that is my thought from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed!

But you know it is encouraging that despite pain ….people are accomplishing so much. I have met such inspirational people….people whose stories are so incredible. Maybe one day I can start sharing their stories….I will say those of us with RA/Fibro/and ever other invisible disease….we have strength! We fight hard!

 

 

Oh Time you fly by me

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Time just flies….at least that is how it feels to me! I’m working on so many different projects and for some reason I am sitting here just thinking…wow time flies! But you know one of the best thing someone ever told me was that time is going to fly by regardless of what you are doing….so why not let time fly by and you complete a doctorate degree in the process. It sounded….so cool at the time…now I’m realizing yes it is cool but it is also…..very tiring!

I was up until 2a.m. this morning…waiting for sleep to come…and partially because I took a late late nap. For some reason yesterday I got home and my stomach hurt so bad (nausea ..thanks Arava) and I just needed sleep. I got about 3 hours or so and then I managed to get up and work on some papers. I am sooo happy that today I am off work!! YAY!! It was a surprising day off…and one I am taking full advantage of! I slept in until about 8:00a.m., took a shower, got ready for the day and now I’m working on editing my homework. But yet time seems to still be going by me soo fast!

While I was getting ready this morning I could not help but think about how slow I go now with my  Rheumatoid Arthritis. My hands do not work as well as they used to and I just do not have the same energy level. I was thinking back to when I was a kid and I could run around and do things. I would pay major money to wake up with energy. Most days I wake up and I feel as empty on my energy level as when I went to bed! Ugh…thanks RA and Fibromylagia! Ya’ll are soooo not fun!

So if time feels like it is running by you…know you are not alone! :) I hope that this week…despite how fast it seems like time is flying by …that we stop and appreciate the good things. The good people that encourage us….the friends that stop and check on us…and the encouragement we receive by the many on our social media sites! I know I’m thankful for the people that check on me…that encourage me…and that stay connected to me.

 

 

 

 

Planner

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How many of you are planners??? I am an OCD planner…living with multiple calenders/date books/online gadgets etc. Yes I love to plan…but this week I lacked in planning. I did not adequately plan rest into my day, and so today (since yesterday) my body has struggled to function. It is amazing what your body feels like when the pain soars because of lack of rest! I know this…I have experienced this before BUT yet I still often forget how little rest brings great pain! Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia bring havoc to our poor bodies, and when we get little sleep….the torture escalates.

So now I”m planning rest into my weekend!!! I want to get ahead in classes and I hope to do that one short assignment at a time! :) Time management…it is amazing how well our minds know what needs done but how sometimes (at least for me) the last thing I want to do is manage what I am doing. I want to be superwoman, I want to go go go….and yet I cannot physically go go go! I have to rest! Maybe after yet another experience of little rest…maybe I’ll get it :)

Rest!