Wow what a week! The good news is that I am getting into a NEW research project but I am also trying to finish two projects and research on a third project. YES STRESSFUL! But the good thing is that I am REALLY learning time management. Today I had to come home and take a five hour nap after my meetings because my body was sooo tired. And I have had a major Fibromyalgia flare since earlier this week. I hate how even my fingers throb with pain. The fatigue is bad and then it feels like every touch, even my clothes, bring stabbing pain.
I was reminded today of how great it will feel one day to be pain free! For me that means the day I move from this earth into a heavenly body (if science does not find a cure/treatment before then). That might sound sad but you know honestly it is so great to have faith. My faith keeps me going and I am holding onto that faith today as I remind myself….take a breath, organize, and keep focused.
I am so amazed by the opportunities in my life, the opportunity to share my story, the opportunity to develop myself academically, and the ability to develop into a more mature young woman. Do I wish I did not have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus…combine with Fibro… HECK YES! But I am happy that I am using those for good.
My goal is to finish this last (or maybe not) degree by May 2015. Will that take a lot, A LOT , or work…HECK YES! But do I think I can do it…I will do my very very very best! I will stay focused, I will not be strayed…I will give it my all!
So back to the books I go! Hang in there…focus, breath, sleep, rest, relax, and stay focused! WE GOT THIS!!
Sometimes my first thought some mornings is…how in the world am I making it through today. Kinda sad right but for me…mornings are so rough. The pain and the fibro fog ….make it just an act of congress to move out of my warm bed (typically because I probably just fell asleep!!). But I do get up and I push myself to focus, to drive to work, to do homework, and to function. But I can definitely feel myself doing much better afternoon..and much better in the evenings. Kind of an odd thought but I could not help but wonder…what would the day be like if it always started at noon!
If you are curious to know even more of my randomness, check out my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/stlralf (support those living with rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and fibromyalgia). I love the acronym RALF It is just random highlights from my day, sometimes they are pretty funny…depending on how insane my fibro fog is.
Off to go do more things today! Hugs!
I love sometimes just sitting, listening to music, and thinking about life. Sometimes it is good to think of where I have been, where I want to go, and the path to get there. You know when I was younger, I always said…I would go back and change a lot of things about life…but now that I have matured…I think those things have helped make me into the woman I am today. Granted the changes in my life have not always been met with a smile ..too many times the changes have been met with anger or usually tears.
I know when I first found out I have Rheumatoid Arthritis…I was so angry …and so upset at the same time. I was only 23 years old…planning life. It took a while (more like a few months) to finally be alright with this disease. It took time to get to where I wanted to see what good I could do with the illness instead of just focusing on the bad. It took awhile to get the courage to tell people, who constantly kept saying “I will pray for healing”, that I would pray instead to pray for me to be positive and use this for good.
Through my RA (and Lupus) journey, I have learned about strength, perseverance, and determination. I have learned who my true friend are and I have learned how important it is to look at everyone as if they might too have things in life that no one else can see. I have grown up and for that I am thankful!
When Fibromyalgia joined the mix…I won’t lie I was even more unhappy thinking that wasn’t RA/Lupus enough? But you know again, I have seen so much more realizing that I (and many others) despite how great we look…might have serious pain. I realize that my Fibro fog is real…and there are things I have to do in order to be successful despite the fog.
So the passing time has shown me there are many things I am thankful for but I am most thankful for the growth I have seen in me.
I was sad to learn that Dr. Jackson died on Thursday afternoon, we were her last cohort selected during her life. Such an honor to carry on her legacy through the generations to come. I learned A LOT at this conference, and I am still learning! I am learning how tough this life is going to be with RA/Lupus/Fibro….I was amazed at how much energy a conference takes!!! Seriously so much pain and now sickness!
This choice of career is rewarding, amazing, but wow gosh….someone said they would rather do a residency (MD) that go for the PhD/EdD! While I do not know how true that is (and I doubt we can compare) I was shocked!
It is so tough living with an invisible disease, from the side effects of the drugs, to the fatigue, exhaustion, pain and frustration of limitations…it is like WOW! We have a different life! Our new normal…is tough but I am THANKFUL that for today…I can still do what I love.
Honestly, I have more than many I know! I can still walk, and go to work! I can still go to class and work in my research. I treasure those blessings because one day I might not be able to do that, and so I def. treasure these days!
I am THANKFUL for what I do have despite my RA/Lupus and Fibro! Thankful for the Affordable Care Act that is giving me hope of insurance (cards should be here any day!). I cannot wait for 12/01! Making appointments SOON!
Here is a link to learn more about Dr. Jackson (http://www.ucea.org/home/2012/11/19/honoring-the-memory-of-barbara-l-jackson.html)