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A Birthday Week!

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Yes this week is my birthday week!  WOW!! If you think it was just a short time ago..you are right..my biological birthdate is in October…however! I was adopted into my family, the family that raised me, cared for me, and the family that I call Mom, Dad, and sister! Because of that I have wrestled with celebrating a birthdate to a mother is no longer in my life as opposed to celebrating a day when I became part of my family. For that reason I am now celebrating my birthday in March, March 9th to be exact! The date of birth for official reasons (i.e., legal documents) will remain  October but for all other purposes …March 9th it is!

This week will bring much homework…ahhh!! So back to the writing I go! :)

 

 

Rainy DAY!!!

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It is one thing to lay in bed and listen to rain….it is another thing to have RA and Fibro + having to work while it is raining outside!! Today was a major milestone for me (well not specifically today but since last week actually!). I am back working full time hours for a while…and I am learning a quasi (mostly) new job! Today I learned that more gets done when effective communication is used and I learned that my body can work a full day but in the evening I am very tired!

As I rested briefly tonight I realized that I had flashbacks of completing my master’s degree program! I worked full time and studied full time! And yes it got done! Plus I was at the beginning of my RA/Lupus/Fibro treatment (dx in 2010). Those flashbacks were a tad painful – the lack of sleep, the never ending feeling of being exhausted, wanting to sleep all day, etc. etc. But I also had amazing memories…like knowing things were getting accomplished! And now even more importantly I am about a year and a half away from getting my coursework over!! I just have to keep focusing on that small goal! And then another year and hopefully the dissertation will be done!

It is all about small goals! This I have learned! First first small goal is to finish this semester! The second small goal is to get one or two conference presentations ready to go (meeting with prof at the end of the month!). And I have a few more goals but for now those are what I am focused on!

I’m hoping the pain in my fingers will stop soon! My thumbs hurt sooo bad! It is annoying, more than anything…constant pain gets really really annoying! And then the fatigue….right now I am sooo tired..but yet at the same time I know I have so much to do…I cannot really rest/take a nap! So I am going to get some stuff done tonight and then I will curl up for the night! One step at a time!

RA and Fibro do not have to win tonight…in fact I don’t think they will…but I do know they are dragging down to a much slower speed! That slow speed is what is annoying but hey at least things are getting done..speaking of..off to get more homework done I go!

 

Thinking….yes still thinking

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I woke up today and spent a lot of time quietly thinking…while trying to do my homework! I am still amazed at how much my body hurts. You would think with steroids now for three days I would have a little less pain….yet that is not the case!! :( But at least being for the most part home bound by the pain etc. I am getting homework done…albeit not as fast as I would like.

My Molly got her first bath today at the groomers! She did lovely and she looks beautifully clean :P I posted a picture of her on my Facebook page :) And she got a cute little dress. I will post a picture of her when she sits down :P

Well it has almost been a week since the shooting…still so much more to process! But it is a process to processing….confusing right…but true! Sooo more thinking and more processing…and hopefully soon I can say it has all been processed. Although I’m thinking it will take a lot longer than I would like :(

Thank you all for your hugs and support! That means the world to me! :)

 

Another day in bed paradise!!!!

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Yes another day in bed paradise! It was pouring rain outside so that made it nice to sleep….at least I did not have to drive in icky weather! :P (trying to see the positive right!). This morning I still had a low grade fever, my sore throat is better, but I’m a little concerned with how my chest is feeling. It seems like the cough might be getting worse? Not sure, could be paranoia…but I’ll be safe just in case and am staying home. Tomorrow would have been my last work day so I sadly missed a full  week! :( It stinks but one I need to rest and heal and two I hate going into work sick. No one else should catch any one of the three things I’m carrying THAT’S FOR SURE!

I’ve found some very interesting things about the flu virus! Check out my facebook page (www.facebook.com/stlraf) for the links. Seems like the flu is going on like wildfire! Hmmm that’s good to know! Also found some other good things about RA and working. One thing I’m looking forward to finding is additional information on having fibromyalgia and RA. I know a lot of us don’t have just one or the other…we have them combined and then some. I know my Fibro, for the first time today…was NOT flaring! I take that as a sign that my body is healing. My goal is to be back on Lyrica as scheduled today and then Arava maybe sometime next week. I’m going to see how I do this weekend and then test the waters. I want to get my body over the sickness but I don’t want my immune system to perk itself up too much…such a line to straddle! :P

Food is still not seeming appealing. I’m sure with the flu/sore throat/strep/cough you know that food tastes different etc. I tried applesauce last night and it tasted gross. I had a salad but it didn’t settle in my stomach. I checked the scales and since Saturday I’ve lost about 6 pounds! Not surprised I haven’t eaten more nor been too hungry. But hopefully I can find something yummy and greasy to eat! :)

I’m getting excited my goals for this weekend since I will be feeling better (YES I WILL BE) – going to re-dye (yes self-dye) my hair with my Black John Frieda foam (http://www.target.com/p/john-frieda-precision-foam-colour/-/A-13944196?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=Google_PLA_df&LNM=%7C13944196&CPNG=Health+Beauty&kpid=13944196&LID=PA&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=13944196), and then I want to get my nails done at my favorite salon. If I can get those two things done I’ll be sooo excited for Monday. You know starting the week out all cute and refreshed. I would also like to re-stock on some makeup at my favorite store, Sephora. We will see though how my energy holds up!

Tomorrow, my goal is to hopefully be able to start reading ahead. My classes have not been uploaded so I have not yet seen my syllabi BOO!! But I figure it cannot hurt to start reading ahead. I already know which project I want to work in on my qual class so that’s good. I’m going to keep working on my quant study to see how I can combine the two. So no progress lost! I have two books to read, I figure if I can get a chapter or two read now maybe I can stay about a week ahead. That always helps me during the semester! And hoping tomorrow my classes will post :)

Off to rest some more, thanks for keeping up with me :)

One Last Thought

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One last thought before I sign off….let’s be thankful for our loved ones surrounding us! We do not need to list the many reasons why…this past weekend was just another tragedy that left me thankful for all my blessings and most importantly my family. No matter how bad I feel, no matter how little energy I have….I want to remember how thankful I am that tonight I was able to come home to my loving husband.

To many days I get up, drag myself through the day, use my spoons and wish  I could steal some one elses’ and some how manage to paste a smile on my face. But I take for granted picking up the phone and calling my husband. I take for granted I will see him in the afternoon or many other scenarios. Honestly we have to remember we have no guaratnee..lets take advance of loving on our family/friends while we have them around. Take every day and remember what we have to be thankful for.

I’m thankful (despite my REALLY upset stomach) for all my meds, my doctors, and most importantly my hubby. He sees the pain, he sees the side effects and yet he is still here loving on me daily.

Enjoy a great evening, a restful night and hopefully a less painful day tomorrow!

PS if anyone is donating their spoons let me know :P

 

How do you say goodbye….before you say hello?

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Saying goodbye is NEVER easy…but what about saying goodbye before you even get a chance to say hello. I stumbled upon this story through a friend of mine. I ask that you check this link and keep this young couple in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow as they will welcome their son…and say goodbye to their son. They are (and have been) embarking on a journey I wish no one should have to endure…yet they are. Yet they are doing so with such great hearts…I could not imagine being in their shoes.

https://www.facebook.com/LovingLondonLara

Check out the link, leave some encouragement, I know they appreciate knowing they are not alone!

DO IT NOW!

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When you login to Facebook and you see that a young high school student has died..it is heartbreaking! As a counselor, my heart breaks for those left behind. For the parents or siblings…how hard tonight has been or will be for them! For this person’s friends left behind….the questions and the heartache…it will not be easy!

If you think a friend is struggling…be there for them. If you see them posting on FB or some other social media site…make a call. It is better to be safe than sorry! Sometimes no matter what we do, we stilll lose someone…and it will still hurt! But if at all possible…we need to open our eyes to the real pain in this world. The pain that is not just physical but the emotional pain of our younger generation!

As I think of that loss I cannot help but remember that sooner than I know it will be four years for me. At 5:00a.m. Wednesday, April 25th! I wish I did not have class that night..will need extra prayers that night!

Anyways, do not wait! Make that call, send that text but most of all….OPEN YOUR EYES and HEART so that deaths like this…hopefully do not happen!

What are you doing?

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What are you doing for the people who you interact with every day? Do you listen to them? Do you ask them about their life with all sincerity? Do you show empathy? Do you show that you care?

I know I want people to care about me, to want to know what is going on in my life and to live a life that is an example of how I want to be treated. I want people to trust me, seek me out and know that I am the true example of a friend. While it is hard to “give” to other people…maybe something that we can all do is work harder at being there for the people who are in our lives.

I cannot help but wonder how our lives have become so “relationship-less.” How is that? Well we are now depending on “Facebook”/”twitter” or some other form of social media to “communicate” what is going on. Gone are the days of dropping in to see someone, to ask how they are doing or finding out how you can support them. The days of family dinner’s/ weekly lunch dates/ etc. Now we depend on seeing a “status update” to know how are friends are doing, who is in a relationship, who is getting engaged, who is sick, who has passed away etc. The list never ends..but the one thing that has ended is us calling with the news.

I miss the one on one communication and I hope that I can always be there for those in my life. I want them to know I am always available to listen, to pray, to visit and to care for them and their needs. What about you? How do you want to be remembered?

Yes a short soap box tonight! Let us just say, some days you do not realize how valuable it is to have someone say “I care.” This is especially true when you are hurting so bad and you just want some relief. If you are suffering tonight, as I know many are…just remember “I care.” And one reason I write on this blog so many times is to let you know that I do care, that I know how hard it is and I want you to be part of the life I LIVE. Yes LIVE, we can LIVE despite our pain!