Tag Archives: Health

DONE!!!

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It is such a great feeling to say that SPRING 2013 is DONE!! The last paper has been submitted to my professor…final grades are to be posted by the 13th…and now I can come home tomorrow and say I”m done! :) My goal is to rest for a few days…to regain some of my energy and then back into the research I go. I have to prep a study for publication and conduct a few more statistical analysis. And then I am prepping this study to go on to round two. I also want to find some good quantitative studies for a secondary analysis project. So yes a lot of things to do but it is nice to do it on my schedule and not on a time table for class.

The summer holds a second round of statistics and an internship class. Both will  keep me pretty busy but I hope that they both won’t be as hard as my first summer in the doctoral program. Boy was that rough! If I keep my nose in the books….I should be ok… I hope!!

I am proud to say I’ve finished this semester…despite the Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. You know the days that are so hard to get up…the days that just getting dressed and brushing my hair…those days where just doing those small things is just unbearable. The lack of sleep…the studying…it is good to know that it is worth it. This time next year I will be finishing my VERY LAST class! YES my very last classes of more than 10 years of studying! WOOHOO!! That is a major plus…that is what keeps me going!

So tonight I am off to rest and relax…so very thankful that I managed to finish this round of classes! I did not do it alone… I did it through the love and support of my husband, my closest friends…and of course my Molly, Precious and Pepper! If you think because you have RA and Fibro that you cannot have a life…you are mistaken. It will not be the life you want…it will be a painful life…but if can be a life that you still accomplish your dreams. One slow step at a time! I encourage you to remain focused on something that gets you up in the morning! The days you feel so alone (because yes we ALL have them) seek out a friend (email me) and get through that dark hard day. We can still change the world! We will change the world despite our INVISIBLE ILLNESS!!

#spoonie, #squeaker, #fighter, #Icandothis! And much more! Tonight is to us…we all fought this road together…congrats to finishing this semester, these past few months, the past few years…lets see what the summer holds for us!

 

Home Again!!

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It is is soo nice to be home and sleep in my own bed. Although I don’t know why but for some reason I kept thinking that today was Monday or Tuesday..not Wednesday. It is amazing how a change in your routine really makes it difficult. Tomorrow thought will be my last “full” day of work for this week YAY!! And the good news is that tomorrow will be a slow day. I can sleep in late and leave work early in the afternoon. So I can sleep in and take a nap!

My goal for tomorrow is to rest and work on getting my paper written…I have to add the preliminary themes. Then I will work on getting into a few more classes this summer to see what students might tell me using my same interview questions. I definitely want to encourage credibility and rigor within my study.

That said, I am home from my last class of this semester! YAY! I have to turn in my paper by next Wednesday (so I have a week) and then I have an awards banquet on Friday. Then to work on my first study some more, I want to get two conference proposals ready before the summer begins. Yes a busy few weeks but I am hoping to enjoy some down time too.

I’m off to rest…my body is in a major flare. Too much going on I guess! Hugs and spoons! :)

 

As I Lay Sneezing

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Sneezing…ugh I hate sneezing! Today the pollen/allergies have been sooooo bad. My nose was soo stopped up and now I am sneezing a lot! UGH! If  I am getting another cold I’m going to be REALLY mad. I know I have been around really sick people this week…please Lord don’t let me get sick!!!

Today was one of those days that I was sooo stressed. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did go wrong! It was truthfully one of those days where I wanted to crawl back into bed as soon as my eyes opened. My first thought today when I woke up was “gosh my elbows hurt” and no kidding you they did hurt. I could barely move my arms up and down and around. Trust me putting on my mascara was NOT fun! And I finally realized what was probably affecting me more than anything today….in a week from today I will mark five years since my daddy died. It does not seem like it has been five years…it feels like it was yesterday. I caught myself looking at his pictures this week and tears welling up in my eyes. Gosh Daddy you have missed so much….and it still seems so unfair. I find it hard to believe that five years ago I was beginning your very last week of life. You didn’t know me, you hurt so much…but I was there by your side. Watching and waiting…praying  that your pain would ease. It did….a week from today.

That said I’m making progress in my research YAY!!!! And I am enjoying it…pray with me (or think of me) I am working on a proposal and I really want it to go through. If it doesn’t oh well I have not lost anything that’s for sure. But it would be really cool!

And such awesome news…this time next week I am packing for SAN FRANCISCO!!! I have never been west…farther than Texas. I am flying into San Diego and on into San Fran. I am soooo freaking excited to fly and see the west coast. I cannot wait to do some sightseeing!!! YES I am counting down!! Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia you are not getting the best of me. I am going to enjoy myself in San Fran.

So yes as I lay SNEEZING I hope that you have a great night tonight..the weekend will be here before you know it!! Many spoons!!

 

Hang In There

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Wow what a week! The good news is that I am getting into a NEW research project but I am also trying to finish two projects and research on a third project.  YES STRESSFUL! But the good thing is that I am REALLY learning time management. Today I had to come home and take a five hour nap after my meetings because my body was sooo tired. And I have had a major Fibromyalgia flare since earlier this week. I hate how even my fingers throb with pain. The fatigue is bad and then it feels like every touch, even my clothes, bring stabbing pain.

I was reminded today of how great it will feel one day to be pain free! For me that means the day I move from this earth into a heavenly body (if science does not find a cure/treatment before then). That might sound sad but you know honestly it is so great to have faith. My faith keeps me going and I am holding onto that faith today as I remind myself….take a breath, organize, and keep focused.

I am so amazed by the opportunities in my life, the opportunity to share my story, the opportunity to develop myself academically, and the ability to develop into a more mature young woman. Do I wish I did not have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus…combine with Fibro… HECK YES! But I  am happy that I am using those for good.

My goal is to finish this last (or maybe not) degree by May 2015. Will that take a lot, A LOT , or work…HECK YES! But do I think I can do it…I will do my very very very best! I will stay focused, I will not be strayed…I will give it my all!

So back to the books I go! Hang in there…focus, breath, sleep, rest, relax, and stay focused!  WE GOT THIS!!

 

Goodnight Sunday..Hello Monday!

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It is 11:57p.m. Sunday night is ending…and Monday is beginning. I woke up today finally feeling better….although I will for sure be taking Clariten tomorrow (and for a few weeks)

Have a great Monday, as it is 11:58 p.m. I hope that we focus our minds into thinking of some positives for tomorrow. Like hopefully tomorrow my nose won’t be stuffy. Hopefully tomorrow my Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromylagia will be in check and I won’t hurt so bad!

It is 11:59p.m. now think about things that you want to work on to make YOUR LIFE BETTER! I want to  be a bit more patient, I want to be more thoughtful of others, and I want to smile a lot more!

As Sunday winds down to a close, I hope this week is amazing.

Hi 12:00:00a.m. HAPPY MONDAY!!!

 

Getting there

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I am thankful to say that I am getting over my cold. Two days of rest has done wonders, that and Tylenol Cold and Flu!!! I am hoping to be back at work tomorrow and thank goodness I only have one class!!!! That means tomorrow night I will be able to get home earlier, YAY!!! So another perk. I hope to get off work about the same time, and then I will be able to rest some before class. I cannot believe the semester is going to be over soon, just a few more weeks and the term will be over. I just keep repeating to myself, finish strong! This time of the semester is the most stressful for me because final projects are due. But I’m reminding myself that I have to focus, and just take it one step at a time.

For my personality, I will say I have grown into the idea of setting myself up time to do things. In that, I am planning ahead and working hard to stay ahead. That way if I need a night to sleep I have it. Or if I need a weekend to decompress I can take that weekend with out stressing out the next week. I will say this bought of a cold has been the easiest one (knock on wood) this semester. I think I can attribute a lot of that to having learned and immediately I took time to rest.

I’m a hard learner but I will say eventually I get things. But today I made use of my day at home. I woke up and completed three transcriptions of my interview. Now I am ready for the data analysis stage!! YAY!! I’m excited!!

Now off to prep for a meeting and then to an early bed. Thank you for checking in on me :)

 

Ahhh cold!!!

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You know the week when you have lots of stuff to do…yup that is the week you wake up SICK!! Yesterday I started sneezing and coughing…in the back of my mind I was thinking “AHHH NO MORE COLDS!!” I started taking my allergy medicine hoping and praying that was it…part of me thinking it would not help. But I did try the allergy medicine only to wake up today feeling totally totally rotten. My head is all stuffed up, nose is runny, sore throat and overall feeling just rotten.

Not the day I had planned, not the week I had planned. I know I for one HOPE this passes soon. But at the same time I am proud. I have learned over the past few years…when sick STAY HOME AND REST! It is SOOOO hard for me to do this….seriously if I can move I will go to work. But I made myself stay home and I stayed in bed. I will say I have no doubt it helped.

I have said it many times….living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia….IS TOUGH! And inevitably you get sick. BUT to better handle my sickness…I decided I had to stay home and rest. I did not like it..my bank account did not like it…but one or two days at home in bed…might save me $1500 in ER fees. I hate to tell myself that but I know my reality, MY NORMAL means I have to rest, and stay away from the world when I am sick.

But at least I was able to tutor statistics tonight, I have been working on some homework. And I hope to get some sleep and wake up much better tomorrow! Balance, focus on yourself, give yourself time to rest and slowly work on accepting the new you! The new normal you! I know I had my new normal sometimes…I feel as if I am barely doing anything….BUT IT IS MY NEW NORMAL!

Hang in there…have a great week! :)

 

A Restful Weekend

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How is your weekend going?? Mine week was crazy! Monday night I was at a dissertation workshop….it was stressful…scary but also very interesting. I find it much easier to do something when I know ahead a time. Yes I am a planner!!! Then Tuesday I was nervously trying to prepare for my presentation on Wednesday. Wednesday morning, I was very nervous but remembered that I had been preparing this presentation for over a month. I was as ready as I could be to teach on my chapter. Class went well and once I felt comfortable up in front of the class things went smoothly. I really wanted my cohort to have a better understanding of ethnic identity and acculturation. It is something many of us need to know about. So then Thursday flew by because it was one of those crazy days at work. I worked late into the night in my office, Molly doing her bests to stay occupied. She was a little bored of my study life :P

Friday I rested a lot, probably more than I should have but it had been such a busy week.  I did get out and enjoy a hockey game, sadly we lost, but it was still a lot of fun. Today though my plan is to write, write, write….I want to get a lot done! Great goal right! I have realize that we can plan, plan, plan but sometimes (many times) things do not work that way in life.

I was also wonderfully surprised last night by being notified I was admitted to doctoral candidacy. I almost cried…last year was soooo rough. I thought when I started working on my doctorate that I was prepared. That I could totally handle the study load…but you know (and you can read those blogs) last year was tough. Probably the toughest thing I had ever done. But now I realize it was worth it. It was worth the pain, the tears, the sleepless nights.  Why?? Because I am one step closer to being done. One step closer to saying that I successfully finished a doctorate program WHILE at the same time living with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia.  I’m still amazed I have kept going….but you know I also realize my strength, confidence, and determination comes first from my faith and second from my dad. I want to make my dad proud, I know he won’t see me graduate but I hope that he would still in some way be proud of my accomplishments.  First and foremost my faith though has kept me going, I do not think  I could face my day to day journey with out my faith.

Living in pain, daily torturous pain….is so hard. Goodness it gets soooo sooo sooo old! And I think the hardest part is people do not get because they cannot see it. I think my constant prayer is that more people open their eyes to see my invisible pain. It would help that is for sure!! But off I go to do more homework :) Enjoy a wonderful Easter weekend.

 

Back up …Again

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Get yourself back up…AGAIN!!! This thought ran through my mind many times this week. As many people in the United States found…the weather might not have been our best friend. Thankfully where I live I did not get snow but I did get rain! And yes for those of us suffering with Rheumatoid Arthritis and/or Fibromyalgia….rain or inclement weather in general does not help us feel good at all! I remember several days this week (because many times we can feel the weather changing even before the weather does change)…I was mentally screaming at myself like a coach might….get up!! get up!!!

Functioning with pain is so hard!! The pain can cloud your mind..it can make even thinking about moving seem like a major major chore. I think Thursday felt like the worst day! The pollen outside was horrible..making my nose all stopped up and then I could feel a weather change coming. The day just drug on…the pain not ending! I wondered really….seriously…how am I supposed to function when I feel like utter crap!! I moved mentally and physically so slow!

Thankfully Friday was a little better but then Saturday yet another flare and so here I sit today, Sunday, still aching….yet still screaming at myself to get back up…again!! I have come to understand that I will fall down mentally and sometimes emotionally many different times of the day (yes in one day) but the key is not to get upset that I had to take a moment and cry about how much I hurt. The key is to just get back up and fight again!

This week I reminded myself of all I am working for….this degree, a future job, a career in higher education, a family and much more. I have a lot of good I can do….but that does not mean I have to be superwoman. I can acknowledge my pain, I can cry because it hurts so bad, and I can rest when I need to rest because things will work out.  For me, my faith keeps me going, and through my faith I acknowledge that life is held in bigger hands than mine. Sometimes I forget but the truth of the matter is that for me… I believe things will work out. My participants for my study will come, and I will be able to get all this homework done. That does not mean though that  I do nothing, I have to carry my weight and do my part. But there are just some things in this universe that I cannot control…and for those things I have trust, I have faith and I have hope that all things will work out for good. I might not see that good today, tomorrow or the next day but I believe things will be good.

So despite my pain, my horrid, tiring, exhausting, pain….I am going to get back up and go back to the paper I was working on. Because I planned ahead I can do pieces here and there and still get something quality turned in on time! :) Focus on something, and get back up…we are waiting on you!

 

First Step

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I took my first steps in research today!! I went into the classroom (I was a little nervous I won’t lie) and requested participants for my study. I remember thinking as I was walking over to the classroom…breath, think, pause, don’t talk too fast or to slow, make sure to look around! Yup! All these thoughts were going through my head! And it did not help I was going on short breaks from work so I needless to say I was running all over today! It was a bit insane. However, now that I did it (and THANKFULLY I did get some participants) I am excited!

Moving forward part of my mind keeps thinking of all the “what ifs” that might happen but then again that is part of learning how to research too. At this point I believe research is a process…a process that runs smoother after you have some experience in doing it. As for me, this is my first research project involving human subjects…it will be an interesting ride!!!

However, I know that no matter what happens with my research, I have to balance conducting research against doing my normal/regular homework, balance working at my job, and of course my home life.  It makes me even more aware of the fact that I must be careful and rest! My note to self today is to rest! I think I will actually write that word in big letters above my desk! So that when I stop and look up, I remember that it is critical with my RA/Lupus and Fibro to REST! :)