Tag Archives: relationships

One of those days

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Have you ever had one of those days??? You didn’t get much sleep the night before, you lay down to take a nap and you cannot sleep, your head feels stuffed up from your cold, your throat hurts and your body just feels body slammed. One of THOSE days! Yes today is one of those days. I’m not sure if it because of the two weeks of sickness…that continues and seems to never end….or the renewed class/studying/researching. Or maybe a combination of all of the above.

So today I have spent most of my time in my office…I figured if I cannot sleep, cannot go out, and cannot seem to get well…I might as well use my energy productively. I am making strides on my homework! YAY! And my trusty dissertation/RA dog (Molly) has been at my side all day. She slept all night while I watched aimless movies on Netflix. Sometime about 2:30a.m. when she realized I was not in my usual curled up sleeping position, she decided that I needed extra love. And decided to curl up next to my legs for more comfort. Then when I got up she jumped right in my lap to give me some love while I attempted to nap. As I moved into the office Molly decided she would curl up on her dog bed, now moved next to the desk. And here she sleeps, curled up in a little white ball of fur. I love having this 9 pound dog just loving on me all day.

Granted I love my cats (my two spoiled brats). But cats do not tend to love on you even when you need it. Precious and Pepper love on me about 9:00pm when they want their food. After that or before then…the couch gets their love. So having Molly who just follows me around and loves on me…even when I feel so bad…is nice!!

I wrote on full discussion board post today, I read one journal article, one reading assignment  and am about 80% through one other chapter. I have a writing exercise to do and an IRB proposal to work on. Thank goodness Monday is a holiday! I hope to make some strides though this afternoon/tomorrow so that I can rest some more on Monday.

Being a student, doctoral, graduate or other, is tough! If you are studying you have made a choice, an admirable choice. You have a passion to gain academic knowledge despite the cost to your life. You have to study, write papers, and learn information that might or might not be fun to learn. You realize that you have to take time away from your friends, family and other social activities to make your deadlines. And if you are doing all the above with Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Lupus (or any other invisible illness)….wow it is an amazing feat. You have to be proud of what you are doing.

And that is not to say that if you did not go through higher education, that you are less of a person! TRUST ME that is so not so! I am proud of people who have full life with out the higher education. I was planning on doing that but I fell in love with being a student. But this life is not for everyone, if you are not passionate about it or feel like it is you…that is fine! Go and do something that you love, that is the key. Do something with your life that you love! If you do not love what you do….life is just harder. If I did not love school…trust me I be miserable.

In all…just living for us spoonies and squeakers is a handful. And you know there are days just getting out of bed…should earn me a medal (and you to). But the days I can do other things…I am thankful! I am thankful that today I can still study! If you are studying…I tip my hat to you and say…”lets do this!” Let’s finish this road strong! If you are thinking of doing it..do it! We are hear for you! If you decided this road wasn’t for you, then lets party when those of us studying are done! Ya’ll who are not in school get dibs on planning the big party! : )

 

Patience

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One of the hardest part of life, especially living with an invisible illness, is that life runs at a different pace for us. We cannot spend as much energy doing “everything” we want to do. It does not mean that do not want to but it does mean that we sometimes cannot do it all! Sometimes we cannot keep up with our emails, our tweets, our posts, or phone calls. It may sound weird but it takes energy to answer emails/tweets or make phone calls. Is this how we want to live? No not really! Trust me we do not!

But it is our lot in life if you want to call it that, so what is awesome for us is to be surrounded by friends and family who understand. We need nonjudgemental people who sincerely care about us and our inabilities sometimes to get things done! I know for me there are days that I have so much I need to do but it does not get done. That makes me angry at myself because I cannot get it done. I would not say I “worry” about everything I do not get done but I would say it bothers me.

Because I believe that sometimes (and only sometimes) people tend to judge those who do not “quickly” get back in touch, stay in tough or “do their part” in the relationship. Does that make sense? Maybe it does or doesn’t (no offense meant to anyone). But the gist of what I’m trying to process in my brain (yes don’t laugh) is that patience is critical when you have a relationship (or friendship) with someone who has an invisible illness.

For us sometimes just opening our eyes is a chore (sounds lame but true). Sometimes our greatest battle is not with those around us but with ourselves. It does not matter if you have RA, Lupus, or an unknown connective tissues (autoimmune) disorder. Anyone and everyone can benefit from slowing down and enjoying the friendships and relationships in life!

In the end many things can fall away or grow up…why not make one of those your friendships/relationships?

What are you doing? Quick and Easy Answer

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What are you doing for the people who you interact with on a daily basis? Do you listen to their needs or share your needs? The one thing I believe we should totally do more of is spend time getting to really know the people we interact with every day. Yes, maybe you do not want to share all your in-depth personal issues but it does help to have someone else who listens to you, cares for you, and is some one that you can be open with about your struggles.

I know that is what I want in my life! I want to not live on my little island but I also want to have people who LISTEN and CARE. Not people who give their…”oh I’m sorry”, “gosh that must be hard” “I’ll pray for healing” answers. While yes I do believe in the power of prayer..instead of just saying that so that we can move on from the conversation…pray that my husband and I can still have a great marriage despite my RA. Pray that we can have fun, enjoy doing things together, spend time doing what we  want to do and most of all…that we enjoy the time we have together. While it is hard…try to avoid using the “quick and easy” answer when people are trying share their life with you. I know I appreciate sincerity..I am sure they do as well!

I am back to the books here in a little bit. I can say so far this doctoral program is teaching me so much. But one thing I realized while in bible study tonight…it is about the grade and it is not about the grade. Yes getting A’s is awesome, great and fantastic but you need to be LEARNING. Whether you are learning by making B’s or learning making A’s. You need to learn and put into practice what you are learning.

This doctoral program is the one and only (probably) marathon I will ever run! Endurance is far more important to finishing that making it in a certain time. I need to be able to use what I have learned versus just saying “hey I made a 4.0 but I cannot tell you anything about it.” So far I have been blessed with many “eye-opening” experiences and MUCH lack of sleep :-D .

RA, you are definitely not making this journey easy BUT I am no quitter! At least not yet!

What are you doing?

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What are you doing for the people who you interact with every day? Do you listen to them? Do you ask them about their life with all sincerity? Do you show empathy? Do you show that you care?

I know I want people to care about me, to want to know what is going on in my life and to live a life that is an example of how I want to be treated. I want people to trust me, seek me out and know that I am the true example of a friend. While it is hard to “give” to other people…maybe something that we can all do is work harder at being there for the people who are in our lives.

I cannot help but wonder how our lives have become so “relationship-less.” How is that? Well we are now depending on “Facebook”/”twitter” or some other form of social media to “communicate” what is going on. Gone are the days of dropping in to see someone, to ask how they are doing or finding out how you can support them. The days of family dinner’s/ weekly lunch dates/ etc. Now we depend on seeing a “status update” to know how are friends are doing, who is in a relationship, who is getting engaged, who is sick, who has passed away etc. The list never ends..but the one thing that has ended is us calling with the news.

I miss the one on one communication and I hope that I can always be there for those in my life. I want them to know I am always available to listen, to pray, to visit and to care for them and their needs. What about you? How do you want to be remembered?

Yes a short soap box tonight! Let us just say, some days you do not realize how valuable it is to have someone say “I care.” This is especially true when you are hurting so bad and you just want some relief. If you are suffering tonight, as I know many are…just remember “I care.” And one reason I write on this blog so many times is to let you know that I do care, that I know how hard it is and I want you to be part of the life I LIVE. Yes LIVE, we can LIVE despite our pain!