Tag Archives: Shopping

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Keeping Up

It is amazing how life events throw your whole life out of whack. I was able to go to work today and for the most part I was able to focus on work. I pulled myself together and was able to function at almost my perfect best. It is hard to do that but I like to keep some things close to me…there are only a few (and A VERY few) people at work that I actually share my most personal details. I got hugs from them and it helped to know they were there for me too.

I came home and took a much needed nap (the balance I was talking about a few days ago). I have been reading a really good book about becoming an academic writer. In the book one exercise is to set a time to write every night, to make sure I have some office work time, and to use this time to write and get things done. So I started doing that and I know in order to get into my office and work…I have to be rested. So I came home and curled up for a nap.

Grief drains your body…physically and emotionally. Today I was wracked with nausea and GI problems…I think the stress/meds/etc. combined contributed to that mess. Some have asked..what is grief like for a pet? This is simply my opinion but I think grief for a close pet is like grief for a loved one…you cycle through the stages of grief…you ache for them, cry for them, and try to build a life knowing they are gone forever.

It reminds me of when I lost my father..I watched him slowly die over a six week period. Although, in that case I had time to say goodbye..time to make sure I was as ready as I could be for him to die. He had bone/brain cancer…it was painful to watch and oh so painful to lose him…but I knew it was coming. I started the grieving process for my dad when I knew his diagnosis was terminal. The grief now I think is a little different…I am aware now (unlike before) of what it feels like to have the suddeness of death. Before I had experienced prepared death….now I know the feeling of sudden death. All the thoughts – I didn’t say goodbye, did I hug her bye, did she know I loved her, did I say I loved her, and many more thoughts.  I was not prepared….I did not get to have my time to prepare. But do you get different grief…I dont’ know. It feels the same to me.

Despite the grief I know life has to move on. My classes unlock tomorrow…my research projects have to be done…reading needs to be done. So I’m trying my hardest to get up and focus. I will finish this journey but I will always carry Molly in my heart.

 

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Fun Weird Fact

Another fun odd weird fact that some might find cool, I’ve decided to change my birthday! Here is why :) . I was adopted back when I was a child. I was born on October 9th, 1986 but I  did not get brought to my new family until March 9th. My last birthday at home in Honduras, because we wanted to celebrate birthdays before I left…we celebrated that birthday on March 9th. I had thought about it for awhile…why not have my birthday celebrated on an awesome day, the day I was brought to a new family…a family that became my family. Why celebrate a birthday I was born to a mother who couldn’t care for me?

So yes effective 2013…I will be celebrating my birthday on March…probably but it works for me. It want to enjoy my birthday and I cannot think of celebrating on a better day than the day I became a Shaw Rose girl…the day that was the beginning of a new chapter for me.  And that is what I want to remember. :)

So yes this year will be the shortest time between birthday celebrations but that’s ok :)

 

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One Last Thought

One last thought before I sign off….let’s be thankful for our loved ones surrounding us! We do not need to list the many reasons why…this past weekend was just another tragedy that left me thankful for all my blessings and most importantly my family. No matter how bad I feel, no matter how little energy I have….I want to remember how thankful I am that tonight I was able to come home to my loving husband.

To many days I get up, drag myself through the day, use my spoons and wish  I could steal some one elses’ and some how manage to paste a smile on my face. But I take for granted picking up the phone and calling my husband. I take for granted I will see him in the afternoon or many other scenarios. Honestly we have to remember we have no guaratnee..lets take advance of loving on our family/friends while we have them around. Take every day and remember what we have to be thankful for.

I’m thankful (despite my REALLY upset stomach) for all my meds, my doctors, and most importantly my hubby. He sees the pain, he sees the side effects and yet he is still here loving on me daily.

Enjoy a great evening, a restful night and hopefully a less painful day tomorrow!

PS if anyone is donating their spoons let me know :P

 

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Adjusting!

I will have to say the word adjusting does not cover the first week being back on Arava! If you are on it or have been on it you probably know what I mean! The nausea, the bathroom issues and the major exhaustion! I also think my Lyrica is making me slightly dizzy although that is improving! I would pay money for my stomach to feel better! Gosh it does not (and has not) felt good since Tuesday!

Although my hubby and I had to go to his company’s Christmas party and it was one of those…if you did not eat anything..people would wonder. So I managed to eat a bit there…although maybe this is just me but I have tended to get cravings. I can go all day with out being hungry and then I’m like gosh I some ______ (red doritos etc.). Yes I am weird!

So you might be wondering…why complain if for about a year all you have asked for is meds!!! Yes this is true! I am 165% thankful for my medicine. I guess I am true to the saying “never happy, if you have curly hair you want straight…if you have straight you want curly.” Essentially yes I want my treatment SO BAD…mostly because I know that despite the bathroom issues/the nausea/the hair loss..it is WORTH it! I had some initial reports from my labs come back…my CRP one year after medicine is 25!!! Two years of treatment it was 3! So yes worth it!

BUT the medicine does suck!!! Anyone on it can tell you it sucks but it the trade me make! I know people who do not go on it, or go on it and realize hey no way man. You cannot fault them….either choice is a painful/tough decision…one where no matter the decision there will be pain!

And my last thought of the day was remember to look people in the eyes. Remember to LOOK at people! Maybe the person next to you is going through a similar journey! Maybe they just want someone to understand. I know I am ‘excited” (not really but yes I am) to find another squeaker/spoonie! Why?? Because we understand each other! That is soooo valuable!

Two more days and I am on vacation!! And then…a trip :) YAY!