It is amazing how life events throw your whole life out of whack. I was able to go to work today and for the most part I was able to focus on work. I pulled myself together and was able to function at almost my perfect best. It is hard to do that but I like to keep some things close to me…there are only a few (and A VERY few) people at work that I actually share my most personal details. I got hugs from them and it helped to know they were there for me too.
I came home and took a much needed nap (the balance I was talking about a few days ago). I have been reading a really good book about becoming an academic writer. In the book one exercise is to set a time to write every night, to make sure I have some office work time, and to use this time to write and get things done. So I started doing that and I know in order to get into my office and work…I have to be rested. So I came home and curled up for a nap.
Grief drains your body…physically and emotionally. Today I was wracked with nausea and GI problems…I think the stress/meds/etc. combined contributed to that mess. Some have asked..what is grief like for a pet? This is simply my opinion but I think grief for a close pet is like grief for a loved one…you cycle through the stages of grief…you ache for them, cry for them, and try to build a life knowing they are gone forever.
It reminds me of when I lost my father..I watched him slowly die over a six week period. Although, in that case I had time to say goodbye..time to make sure I was as ready as I could be for him to die. He had bone/brain cancer…it was painful to watch and oh so painful to lose him…but I knew it was coming. I started the grieving process for my dad when I knew his diagnosis was terminal. The grief now I think is a little different…I am aware now (unlike before) of what it feels like to have the suddeness of death. Before I had experienced prepared death….now I know the feeling of sudden death. All the thoughts – I didn’t say goodbye, did I hug her bye, did she know I loved her, did I say I loved her, and many more thoughts. I was not prepared….I did not get to have my time to prepare. But do you get different grief…I dont’ know. It feels the same to me.
Despite the grief I know life has to move on. My classes unlock tomorrow…my research projects have to be done…reading needs to be done. So I’m trying my hardest to get up and focus. I will finish this journey but I will always carry Molly in my heart.