Tag Archives: Sleep deprivation

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Home Again!!

It is is soo nice to be home and sleep in my own bed. Although I don’t know why but for some reason I kept thinking that today was Monday or Tuesday..not Wednesday. It is amazing how a change in your routine really makes it difficult. Tomorrow thought will be my last “full” day of work for this week YAY!! And the good news is that tomorrow will be a slow day. I can sleep in late and leave work early in the afternoon. So I can sleep in and take a nap!

My goal for tomorrow is to rest and work on getting my paper written…I have to add the preliminary themes. Then I will work on getting into a few more classes this summer to see what students might tell me using my same interview questions. I definitely want to encourage credibility and rigor within my study.

That said, I am home from my last class of this semester! YAY! I have to turn in my paper by next Wednesday (so I have a week) and then I have an awards banquet on Friday. Then to work on my first study some more, I want to get two conference proposals ready before the summer begins. Yes a busy few weeks but I am hoping to enjoy some down time too.

I’m off to rest…my body is in a major flare. Too much going on I guess! Hugs and spoons! :)

 

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Focus!

You know when I was a child I think the concept of “being focused” did not click in my brain! I woke up, did my think but did I have a goal? Did I push myself through thick and thin? Did I aim for something or focus on a project for years at a time? Probably NOT! Even when I started college I certainly never can remember going…hey I’m going to go to school and earn a doctorate! Education is not really a “thing” in my family…which is fine…education does not have to be. I know MANY successful people that have excellent careers with out the college degree!

I think maybe I was a sophomore or junior in college before the hair brained idea creeped into my mind of why not complete a masters/doctorate degree in ______? And I say _______ because even what I thought I would earn a Phd/EdD in has changed! So definitely not my focus…it just sort of happened! I found something I was good at ….something that challenged me. Something that I could say for lack of better words…focused my life! Now living semester by semester is “normal.” And I can complain/whine about the studying, the lack of sleep and how much studying takes away from my “life” but at the same time….(and I think you know this) I would not trade it for the world!! Academics has made me who I am today…not that it takes an education to make anyone but education has helped shape my thinking, my dreams, my passions, and certainly my writing!

Two years ago today I was sitting in a hospital bed…extremely sick…tired…cranky and determined to give back to this disease and push others forward. If I have learned nothing else in the past two years…I have learned to give everything I have to go and earn an education despite the setbacks of my Fibromyalgia and my Rheumatoid Arthritis. Setbacks there have certainly been…sickness, sore throats, mono, fatigue, brain fog…and the never ending pain! But still…through persistence, through passion, and through focus have my dreams continued. I only hope that I am blessed to finish this journey! I know I will will be so happy to walk the stage for the last time! I hope in my heart it happens but I also know that if it doesn’t…for the various reasons that it might not (mostly health related)…I would not trade what I have learned through this journey. I would not trade it for the world.

So focus…I have learned the value of being focused these past few years! I am excited to see what else I will learn through this journey!

 

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One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days??? You didn’t get much sleep the night before, you lay down to take a nap and you cannot sleep, your head feels stuffed up from your cold, your throat hurts and your body just feels body slammed. One of THOSE days! Yes today is one of those days. I’m not sure if it because of the two weeks of sickness…that continues and seems to never end….or the renewed class/studying/researching. Or maybe a combination of all of the above.

So today I have spent most of my time in my office…I figured if I cannot sleep, cannot go out, and cannot seem to get well…I might as well use my energy productively. I am making strides on my homework! YAY! And my trusty dissertation/RA dog (Molly) has been at my side all day. She slept all night while I watched aimless movies on Netflix. Sometime about 2:30a.m. when she realized I was not in my usual curled up sleeping position, she decided that I needed extra love. And decided to curl up next to my legs for more comfort. Then when I got up she jumped right in my lap to give me some love while I attempted to nap. As I moved into the office Molly decided she would curl up on her dog bed, now moved next to the desk. And here she sleeps, curled up in a little white ball of fur. I love having this 9 pound dog just loving on me all day.

Granted I love my cats (my two spoiled brats). But cats do not tend to love on you even when you need it. Precious and Pepper love on me about 9:00pm when they want their food. After that or before then…the couch gets their love. So having Molly who just follows me around and loves on me…even when I feel so bad…is nice!!

I wrote on full discussion board post today, I read one journal article, one reading assignment  and am about 80% through one other chapter. I have a writing exercise to do and an IRB proposal to work on. Thank goodness Monday is a holiday! I hope to make some strides though this afternoon/tomorrow so that I can rest some more on Monday.

Being a student, doctoral, graduate or other, is tough! If you are studying you have made a choice, an admirable choice. You have a passion to gain academic knowledge despite the cost to your life. You have to study, write papers, and learn information that might or might not be fun to learn. You realize that you have to take time away from your friends, family and other social activities to make your deadlines. And if you are doing all the above with Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Lupus (or any other invisible illness)….wow it is an amazing feat. You have to be proud of what you are doing.

And that is not to say that if you did not go through higher education, that you are less of a person! TRUST ME that is so not so! I am proud of people who have full life with out the higher education. I was planning on doing that but I fell in love with being a student. But this life is not for everyone, if you are not passionate about it or feel like it is you…that is fine! Go and do something that you love, that is the key. Do something with your life that you love! If you do not love what you do….life is just harder. If I did not love school…trust me I be miserable.

In all…just living for us spoonies and squeakers is a handful. And you know there are days just getting out of bed…should earn me a medal (and you to). But the days I can do other things…I am thankful! I am thankful that today I can still study! If you are studying…I tip my hat to you and say…”lets do this!” Let’s finish this road strong! If you are thinking of doing it..do it! We are hear for you! If you decided this road wasn’t for you, then lets party when those of us studying are done! Ya’ll who are not in school get dibs on planning the big party! : )

 

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Resting

Sadly, I am sitting on my couch today where I have been since about 1:00p.m. I went to be about 9:30p.m. and couldn’t drag myself out of bed until about 11:00a.m. Although I should get a star  because I did manage to clean the bathroom before I realized I just did not have any energy today. That’s the thing that I miss the most…my “old” normal energy. The girl (yes still girl) that could get three hours of sleep and go almost all day long before feeling tired. That has been replaced by someone who takes about an hour to get up in the morning (that is just dressed/with makeup), and then another few hours to finally feel like my brain is awake! I’m much slower these days and thanks to med side effects I am doing even less.

Remember what I said about moving though, I did MOVE from my bed, through my house and then onto my couch :) . I am joined by my two precious kids (furry kids) who love to snuggle and sleep. Gosh I cannot look at them too long though before I want to sleep too! But Matt has class tonight and we get our final present of the year. I’m excited to share what that will be later tonight (or more than likely tomorrow).

I had a friend of mine tell me today….I don’t understand why you are taking…umm what are you taking again? It reminded me again of how hard it is for MANY people to attempt to put themselves in your shoes. And trust me I get it…why would I want to care about the world of RA/Lupus and Fibro if I was not living in it? Ummm I would not. I would not want to take the time to learn about the diseases, what they do, how to treat them, and the side effects…much less talk to people and really try and GET what their new “normal” lifestyle is like. Honestly once you get any of these diseases (and MANY more)…life changes! Life is NEVER the same again and life will NEVER be the same again. That fact alone is such a hard concept…throw in looking ok on the outside and wow…in many cases people do not know what to do!

Is it frustrating…yes very but I will say…the genuineness of a few people will make it all worth it. Find those few (and yes few) genuine people who are there for you. People who will listen, people who will pray with you, people who will be there when you need and not try to sell some new cure for you to try. People that will encourage you, people who will encourage your marriage (because a marriage with any illness is rough). People who will just be genuine supporters….gosh love on those people. Hold them close, cling to them. Those gems are few and far between!

Another of my NY resolutions….to be that genuine supporter to someone new. I know how much that person would make a difference in my life and in my family’s life. I pray that I can reach out there and touch someone in an incredible way this new year. Be that through this blog, my facebook page or through living in my new neighborhood.

Back to bed I go :)