Well I didn’t get as much done over the weekend as I would have hoped! My body was wracked with pain to the point that bed was about the only thing I could do. I went out once on Sunday to get some groceries and some food. Saturday I went out once for something to eat, Matt wanted to try to perk me up by taking me to Chilis.
The times I’m sitting at home in so much pain I can barely move my mind wanders to the “what if’s” of life. How would life be different if I didn’t have RA/Fibro and the other medical issues? Some days in my head I think of all these things I would be doing, places I would be going and stuff like that. Then I realize that even though I have RA/Fibro and a bunch of other things..it doesn’t mean that I can not do the things I had wanted..it just means that perhaps not right now. Right now my main focus has to be getting my immune system off the ground. I had more labs run on Saturday because it seems like I’m taking a lot of steps backward and few in any steps forward!!!
Life is certainly precious and I feel that so many times we take it for granted, especially when we are healthy and young. People who are young may think that it will be years before their bodies get worn down by disease or have to face constant testing, prodding and doctor office visits (sometimes I feel like I live at my doctor’s office). I thought that, I remember being a freshman in college thinking I had years of working, earning money and seeing the world before I would ever have to face anything like I am now.
While it is easy to take life for granted, you certainly gain new perspective when fighting an auto immune disease (or any other disease like it – cancer, MS, etc). I have realized how precious friend and family are to me, especially those that earnestly seek to keep me encouraged. Those friends who stop saying how much better I look or how much better I must be feeling and instead ask how my day is going and is there anything I need help with. The ones I know I can be honest with hand share with them exactly how my pain is instead of me having to brush their questions of how I’m doing off because I know they really don’t want to know but they are asking because they think they should ask.
If you have someone in your life that is struggling with an “invisible illness”S (RA, Fibro, Lupus and many more) remember to give them a hug (if it doesn’t hurt them) when you see them. Some times just knowing they are not alone brings as smile. Remember that they may not always want to share with you how much they hurt, sometimes we just want to pretend we are normal and not have to talk about how bad we feel all the time. Other times we just want someone to listen to us share how much we hurt!
Two verses in the Bible that have stood out to me say “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge.” (Psalm 46:10-11). I am reminded that God is my refuge, in the darkest of times, in the toughest of pain, no matter what the Lord is there. I just need to call out to him and he will carry me through.
Monday down, 4 more work days to go! Praying that the Lord’s strength will keep me going!! Have a great night!