It is amazing how much music can totally help your thinking. I totally support the use of music during times that you just need to clear your heard and get through things!!! 🙂

I don’t know how many of you heard Carrie Underwood sing “How Great Though Art”, it was amazing! Here is the link if you want to listen to it. ( She did a truly fantastic job!

Tonight I am AGAIN struggling with food! You do  not realize how much one little pill that you take every day can really really mess you up! I look at my Arava tablet (immune suppressant – EVIL yet needed drug) and I give it evil looks. It messes with just about everything that I eat, to the point I don’t even remember what it feels like to truly enjoy a meal. I mean I enjoy the taste of the meal but I know that within an hour or so of eating I’m going to pay for it! 😦

That’s not even counting what it has done to my hair! I shed like no other! It is really bad when you can walk into the bathroom and see a floor of black hair! 😦 I have lost so much hair, thankfully my hair doesn’t look toooo horrible!!!!

Enough complaining! I will say that having this disease certainly changes everything you do, feel, think, and plan for! It does not make life easy but you can learn to take one day at a time, adjust your life and pray that you can make it through every moment of every day despite all your suffering.

I don’t know if I have shared this thought but one thing that comes to my mind is Christ’s suffering.  Especially since we just ended our Easter season, I wonder how much Christ suffered on the cross? If someone could share a number, I doubt there would be a number. Our Lord and Savior suffered excruciating pain to save his precious children (you and me). Maybe one reason that some people in this world are touched to suffer, is so that they can see in our own small little way how to love.  Sounds weird (and again this comes from my mind ).

When we are hurting so bad that everything hurts, nothing feels those moments we have two choices. One choice is to give in and let ourselves start to fall down the dark hole of letting go to life and being consumed by the pain. Trust me it is hard not to do this and I believe that every day is a struggle to not!

The second option is to look inside ourselves for strength (given by the Lord) and realize that he loved despite his suffering. He didn’t give up on the cross for us, he held on strong, full of grace and love – can we do that too? I believe we can, God gave us suffering in part as a ministry; although it is not always easy to look at it that way!

Interesting random thoughts right? Well hopefully my randomness can help me make some major decisions that I  am going to have to be making soon! God help give me clarity to know the path that you have set for me. In the time of searching, it is hard to know where to go or which door to open! I pray for clarity to do what God has in store for me, no matter where that takes me!

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