You do not realize how important your eyes are until you hear that your auto immune diseases is causing swelling. I found that out today. My eyes have been hurting and my vision has been changing over the past few months. I had hoped that it was just part of growing up and having to get yet another prescription. But I was wrong…thanks to my RA my eyes are now inflamed and I am unable to produce tears. Now I am steroid drops for my eyes an I have to use prescription tears. I will be taking some sort of drops for my eyes “indefinitely” because the damage has been done.
Do you want to know the saddest part? My eye doctor said to me to day “wow you must have a really good pain tolerance because most people couldn’t have let it go this long before coming in.” I looked at her and said “most people do not live in so much pain all the time.” She stopped and said your right… I am sorry. I feel guilty that I did not see the doctor sooner and now I will be forever putting in fake drops because mine eyes were damaged by the swelling. I am sad that I did not even know that my eyes were killing me because every other part of my body is killing me too.
But do you want to know the funniest part ( yes there is something funny!). I have decided that I am goin to give doctoral applications for Fall 2012 a shot. Yes if you want to call me insane go ahead..but I have realized that my time to get rigorous programs done may be growing short! Not only is my body weak and sick but now my eyes are too. I want to get my education done! There is no time like the present!
Pray for me as I am not only taking 9hrs of graduate work this summer but I am also now taking the GRE the second weekend of July! I am also now completing doctoral applications for the Counseling Psych. programs at two schools and an Educational Leadership and Counseling program at another. In my heart I feel peace but in my mind I am going crazy with the idea that I will be having MANY MANY sleepless nights :). Of course that is what your youth is for especially when you have a body that is being taken over bit by bit from an auto immune disease.
Today I came home, sad because of my eyes but excited because I am going to try to get accepted somewhere for next fall! Will I? That’s not in my hands it is God’s hands. But as several have told me..the only person saying your are not going to get accepted is you…not them! Wait until they tell you no before you say you are not getting accepted. God can do many great things including helping me get into a doctoral program! He has given me a gift for counseling, a heart to love and encourage..he too can grant me entrance into where he wants me to serve!
Anyways for the next few weeks I will be learning how to put drops in all day long! That is going to get really old but hey if it saves my sight! I have to go back in a few weeks to see if the inflammation has gone down and if my vision improves! Please pray it improves!
Off to bed for me….I have not been getting much sleep at all because of all the pain..but you know at least I get some! That is more than some people!