Have you ever felt ….frustrated???

I do not know about you but some days I am just totally frustrated! From the makeup that I can’t find to the toothpaste not coming right out of the tube! Yes it was certainly a Monday!! I have been working on homework and balancing three classes I think is going to drive me up one wall and down another one! It is very very exhausting to be taking 3 graduate level classes in an 8 week period! My mental note to myself…don’t ever do that again! Thankfully though two of the classes are finishing in two (2) weeks so I only have to be tortured until then. For one of my papers I have the final paper done, but this week I need to write the other one! I am just struggling to get my mind wrapped around doing it! One reason is because I think it is on a topic that is difficult to discuss. Ethics are essential and vital to any profession but writing about it…it is just tough!!

This weekend marked yet another week that I have been battling this “stupid” cold!!! I am ready to feel not so drained…the drained feelings from the RA/Fibro is hard enough much less the tiredness caused from the coughing/sneezing/headache etc. of a cold. Hopefully maybe this week it will get better!! At least we get off Friday and Monday!!! Wohoo..more time to focus on studying so I have a little less pressure on me, which is very nice!!

Also this weekend I had a straightening perm put in my hair. unfortunately I have been losing so much hair…I wasn’t sure what to do. The hair loss is from the auto immune suppressant medication that I have to take so unfortunately there is really no fix. Anyways I straightened my hair so I will not have to brush it as much as when my hair was curly. I also got some better shampoo and extra little things to protect it. Now I can just touch it up with my straigther and I’ll be golden.

Another change was I feel like I can go back to wearing pants again! I stopped wearing them back in Feb. because it was so hard for my fingers to work around the clasps. But now that I am a little better on that aspect I can’t wait to be back wearing pants. Although since it is summer I’ll be wearing the usual skirts etc..but the hardest part is that the building in which I work is soooooo dang cold. You wear a skirt and sandals…you end up freezing!!

Exciting small changes can make your life happier which is nice! I ordered some more pants online and I got some tops ordered too! Wohoo! I haven’t lost that much weight but at least I am happy with how I look! That’s a major positive! 🙂

Back to studying and playing with the little ones! I love them sooo much! And like one person said…it helps to focus on them instead of all the pain I am in!

Yet again in bed

So my goal of getting through this week without getting sick again…totally blew up in my face. By Monday afternoon I felt like I had just run a marathon and then my Wednesday I knew I needed to be in bed or if I pushed myself further I would be way sicker. Thankfully I have a great work environment and I have sick/vacation time to leave and rest at home. I went to bed last night about 10:30 (after spending the afternoon laying in bed watching tv) and woke up at noon. My body is just exhausted…and my throat feels like sandpaper along with hurting ears. I now can totally understand why they say that when you are on auto-immune suppressants, a tiny cold can really knock you down.

I can not help but think of those who have battled RA for a lot longer than me and are on a lot tougher drugs than me. Ladies and men, those of you who are warriors now in the is battle…I look up to you. I am still a baby learning to handle this disease…I just cannot imagine suffering like this for years and the rest of my life. God better give me strength that moves mountains because I cannot do it on my own that is for sure.

Praise the Lord though! I have managed to get 6 weeks into my two 8 week classes! Holding A’s in both so far, only by God’s grace. I am sad to see these two classes coming to an end because I know that means my MA is drawing closer to ending. My next class that opens officially Monday (for two weeks I’ll be doing 3 classes) is a great class. I know I will certainly enjoy it!

I am so thankful too that while we may not spend as much time prayer as we need to or as much time reading the Bible as we need to…God does not leave us not forsake us. I will be honest…this past year (and probably more) I have slipped away from reading the Bible as much as I should or praying as much as I should. Praise the Lord though he does not leave me…he doesn’t shun me away because I am not dedicating as much of my time as I should. Isn’t that awesome…who would not want such as relationship with our Heavenly Father? To have a person who is there no matter what, no matter how you treat him…I mean it is awesome.

Faith is certainly something that you need to get through this rough of a time. I am thankful for that faith and I am thankful for all my colleagues and distant friends who give support. We certainly need all the support we can get. God has blessed and for that I hope that I too can be a blessing to some one.

It just keeps on coming!

Exhaustion is the word that comes to my mind!!! My body hurts and my mind hurts….this is a week that suffering with RA and Fibro really really stresses me to the limits! I wish so much this week that I did not have to have the pain but mostly the exhaustion! It is as if it takes everything I have just to get up and walk around!

Thankfully thought I’m still hanging on tight! Although today after looking at what I have done I have decided to not take the GRE this summer. My first reason is because I already have scores and I know that the scores, while they play a part in the admission decision, are not necessarily the most important part of the application. Second I realize that if I do not get in on the first try that I can re-take the test next year when I have much more time to dedicate to preparing.

So for now I will focus on finishing these classes and doing a great job (Lord willing) and then the doctoral apps will consume me!

NOW! I just need to get well…my chest aches, my ears hurts, throat hurts and I cant’ stop sneezing! That on top of all the pain …makes for a pooo day!!

Oh well! At least I can study tonight 🙂 Off to that I go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Another Sunday Night!

So again comes Sunday night! My body is worn out and sadly the working week has not even begun! Thankfully my cold is better, still a lot of pain and extreme exhaustion! You would think after spending 3 days in bed I would actually have energy lol!

Today we did not go to church :(! Dad loved preaching so much that especially today when everyone remembers their fathers, it is so hard with Dad in heaven. It has only been 3 years but it seems like a lifetime! I still miss him so much! I often wonder what he would say about my life, or the choices I have made. Dad I miss you so much!!!

I’m praying for a better week! Only through Gods grace and power!