Weekend Plans!

I do not know about you but I am sitting in the boat of so much to do and the feeling of such little time! My goal of every night coming home and getting stuff done has not gone so well these past few weeks. Many nights I can think of something WAY more important to do such as sleeping lol! Of course not every night, I love my Tuesday night bible study and Thursday night college study. Then of course Saturday nights are such as blessing being around our college kids. We have truly enjoy this ministry!

So never do I regret getting active in our church! In fact I am very happy that the Lord led and we followed. We have not regretted taking that step and honestly I do not think you ever can if you are truly in tune with the Lord. He knows right where he wants you to be that is for sure! But I do need to work on getting more done in the evenings, even if I just have to take a nap to get some energy to do something. I think that is probably what I am going to try my best to do! Starting with today, go home..take a short nap ( which is soooo hard to do) and then getting up and doing something.

My problem is normally when I start sleeping…then it is soooooooooo hard to wake up after only 20 minutes or so. In fact I have set multiple alarms and I still end up waking up some 3 or 4hrs later. It probably does not help that my husband (God love him) feels like I need to sleep so he just turns off the alarms. I love that fact about my husband, he does care for me and that I can certainly appreciate.

But that does not me my never ending list of things to do gets any smaller! For example I need to file some papers, finish writing three letters of intent to three different doctoral programs, work on getting myself organized for my ADEC grief certification, plan on how I am going to get my 60hrs of thanatology training etc. etc. So hopefully I can start being more productive in the evenings because I do have some deadlines approaching! My three letters of intent need to be in the mail by the time I leave for Africa! No question about it! So step on it Joanna!

Here goes hoping right! 🙂

P.S. there is always hope! It does not matter what your situation may be…be it a struggle with your family, finances, job etc. When you have hope that is what brings a smile the next day.  Hope gives you the energy to stand up and keep moving even when everything is just going against you! You are able to focus and keep going toward the goal line, because you have hope! If you know someone who may be struggling to have hope today, just give them some encouragement. I know that I have some amazing colleagues that I consider true friends/mentors/mom’s and I could not (nor would I want to) do much with out their encouragement! Age has no matter, we can be years apart age wise but it is our spirits that receive so much encouragement from each other!

Keep my changes in your thoughts! Hopefully I will have more to share soon!

Changes may come

Hello World!

Change is never easy, the potential for change is never easy! Today as I made another step toward change, I came to the realization that it is not always what I want…nor how I want it. I remembered that you know sometimes it is about how things work together to make up the puzzle. I found out today that I should see my job, my career, or my dreams not in the light that  I need to make it to the top in a jump.  Instead sometimes you need baby steps and you have to take the steps one small step at a time.

There is a position where I work (well actually two positions) that I would love to have sometime in my life. The first position that I would love to have is to be the psychologist on a college/university campus. In order to do that I would need to finish a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and also successfully complete the licensing exam. The other job I would love to have would be to have the position of being a director of the psychological services on a college campus.

I realize that these two jobs are ones that are going to take time, education, a reputation for doing good and determination. Possible ways to getting there would be to work my way up to being a Division Manager or a Dean…both of these are positions I would love to have one day. So the short version of what I am trying to say is that I am ok with taking small baby steps.

Yet at the same time I hate to leave my current position. I hate going back to being the newbie that does not have a clue what she is doing…but at the same time I realize that sometimes I just need to be patient. God knows right! His will not my will! As I learned in bible study tonight, you have to be patient and willing.

So let us see what change will bring…or if change brings anything at all??

THANK YOU!!!

I just wanted to take a few minutes to say “THANK YOU!!” There have been so many of you that have stopped by after a class or called to let me know that you were thinking of me. It means so much to have your support and your confidence.  I did not realize how many people would stand up for me and with me! You all mean so much!

I am hoping and praying for changes, praying that the Lord keeps my attitude right and my heart right. I am hesitate and yes anxious but I do know that the Lord knows what is best for my life! Pray for me as I need to start working on my last three doctoral applications. I am sending in all my transcripts tomorrow!! YAY!! And then I just have to write the personal statements for them. Keep me going Lord!

This blog..while it may not be read by many people….really helps me think and clear my mind from the anxious thoughts that I am dealing with at this time and through out the days.

Another PRAISE!! I was able to go to my gym for the FIRST time since I was in the hospital! Yes almost six months of not going but I was back today after work! My hope is to go about three or four times a week if I can! I take it slow though no worries! Although I am paying paying paying for it…I can already tell that tomorrow I will probably not be able to move! UGH! The painful process of losing weight!

Again thank you all! I could not do it with out YOU!

Football and change

Last night was a great way to end a very stressful week! Matt and I went and watched a high school football game! My first one to ever watch! Loved the experience!!!! I really enjoyed the conversations with my friend who invited us and just watching the kids play! And yes our team won!!!!!

Matt and I are up bright and early for American Red Cross Orientation! I’m so ready to start helping out in this way! So we will be down at the red cross office until 12 and then I get to relax with a mani/pedi!

While i cannot say yet what changes are coming, I believe there will be changes in my work life. I’m sad for some of these change and happy for some of these changes. When disrespect seeps into the work place, a change is forced to happen..and that to me is sad! So I will post more as I get more information, keep me in prayer on that note!

Also I did want to say a big thank you to all that have come forward to support me with words of comfort, hope, encouragement and helping me see I did what was right! Sometimes doing the right thing isn’t easy but it is better than doing what is wrong. You will never be a true leader if you are not willing to stand up for yourself, your values and your faith!

Orientation is beginning more soon!!!

STRESSFULL!!!!

I find it so difficult tonight to find words or a way to express my feelings. Never have I had this situation in my life, to face some of the facts of the past and deal with the present consequences. To make a long story short, I’m in a situation where there is an abuse of power. A person who is not my supervisor but whom I am supposed to support, has been using me. Using me to do things I should not be doing, using me a person that is there and one who needs to do whatever is asked (without question). And yes, sadly I have been doing what I have been told (despite either knowing I should not or doing it and wondering if I should be doing this). While no I did not do anything terribly wrong on the scale or REALLY wrong but still…..

After spending 8hrs in leadership training, it was as if a light bulb came on in my head. I realized that this was in fact someone abusing the fact that I was just there and instead of taking it, I needed to stand up and have some self-respect. I expected this person to react with respect as well but sadly that did not happen.  This person yelled at me, demanded I do what I was told with out question (even though what I was being asked to do was something I should not do) and then this person stormed out of the office.

What breaks my heart is that I expect my leaders to have self-control, integrity, competency and most importantly respect. You do not handle your employee by closing the door, yelling at them and then storming out. You should never raise your voice at the work place, it solves nothing. Second of all, when you know you are asking your employee to do something that they should not do but you want them to do it anyway, that is dis-respectful. While yes it did bring many tears to my eyes I can only hope and pray that this is the rock bottom to a situation that has been in a down-hill spiral.

I am hopeful that there this problem can be solved amicably and I am praying that I can learn from my mistakes. I allowed myself to be walked over, I allowed myself to do what I knew I should not do and for that I am very eternally sorry. I should have stood up sooner, I should have realized so many things sooner but I did not. Now I am not sure what the future will be…I can only hope for an amicable solution.

Deep down inside I want to run away but I know that running away does not solve your problems. Instead you have to face your problems. Yes this was a big learning experience for me! I realized the love of money and the greed to have power can be extremely hurtful to someone else. I am so thankful I have a heart that want the Lord and I am heartbroken to know that are people out there who do not. Remember you cannot take anything with you! You will leave it all here! The amount of money in your bank account does not mean anything.

Lastly remember that above all else a leader lives by their core values. Do not underestimate those values, do not push those values aside, do not be too afraid to stand up and say no even when it is not the popular thing to say. Remember when you are doing what is right, despite it being the hardest thing to do, it will pay off in the end.

While for me that may be a change of job,  that may be the loss of a job, it may be the beginning of af more stressful work environment….these things I do not know. But what I do know is that I do not want to worry about this situation, I do not want to let my mind go to the what if’s…. I want to wait on the Lord, knowing that in his goodness…ALL THINGS..yes ALL THINGS work together for good! I may not see that good today or tomorrow or the next week or so. But things will happen….I hope you join me in this journey! Pray for me, encourage me, love me and help me through this journey of pain and frustration.

I will let you in on a small secret, the more stressed I am …the more pain I have. When I cry (as hard as it for me thanks to my RA affecting my eyes), I feel exhausted beyond words. So I know that stress will make my life twice the journey it is already, so if you could…ask the Lord that this test be over soon. I do not want to be passed over to test but I want it to pass by quickly. I always say that God wants us out of our comfort zone! He knows his plans for us, let us be willing and waiting! Peacefully!

Lastly I am thankful for such  good friends to support me through this journey…several were key today in my tears and frustration. I THANK YOU! You are the reason I keep going!

More soon, keep the prayers coming!!!

What a day!!

Respect! This word seems soooo small but yet it has such major consequences!! I have learned this in soo many ways this week! You never realize how important it is to be respected! Pray for me as I am struggling with a situation where I am not being respected!

Tonight I was blessed to volunteer at my church’s youth event! It was awesome! I am so thankful that I was able to participate and see God work! It is so amazing to see some 2000 students come together to learn about the Lord!

I know this is short and sweet! It’s been a long day but this is my therapy to close my mind and spirit! I’m thankful for  this blog and all that hopefully get something out of it!

Painful evening

Well my goal was to be in bed about an hour and a half ago! But thanks to my pain it did not happen! Instead I read some of my Bible study material and have been watching t.v. hoping to ease my pain! The pain is something that I often wish would just up and disappear. The days it is so bad I can hardly move…those are the days I wish that we could have robotic bodies that can’t feel pain!

I am sooo very much ready for a cure to this disease (hopefully I am not alone) but I am also so ready to not take a medicine cabinet full of medication every single day! Good thing I got over not being able to swollen pills!

Ok back to attempting to sleep! Relief, keeping praying for relief!