Love Don’t Hate

Have you ever had someone in your life that intentionally tries to be the thorn in your side? The person who takes sooo much pleasure in making your life hard. The person who because she or he is unhappy is bound and determined to make your life miserable! It is sooo hard when this person starts a mess to not run and scream!!! But in the end, by doing that you are letting she or he win over your life. You are giving power to that person because they can affect you with their actions. Instead of letting that happen, take the power back…love instead of hate.

Adjust your life so you can avoid contact or (and I hate saying this) be really good at plastering on a smile when around this person. Prevent the person from getting close to you so that way there will be little ammo to fuel the fire. I wish the world did not have these people but because the world does…protect yourself and take back the power!

It is something I am trying to do…easy to say but hard to do! Today that person got the power over me….tonight I’m ready to fight back! I spent my afternoon so angry because I wished I did not have to deal with this person. So angry because no matter how many jobs I apply to…I never get a call for an interview (but honestly with school it is ok…I just hate the tight rope financially). And most important I was angry because I have to make some changes to take back my power and set it so this person can not use his current knife in my back. If I learned nothing else today…life is hard and you do sacrifice for things that you want! I want a doctoral degree ( I believe I am good at it and I have hope that one day it will take me far) but until then…I am paying it. Not only with the lack of sleep but financially, emotionally, and physically.

Speaking of physically I am yet again off medication! I hate it…but right now the finances are not coming in and I cannot afford to spend on the medication. I’m alright with it..at least to the extent that I know I have a lot of inner strength. I hate the pain, I hate the frustration that comes with the pain but I am determined that my sacrifice will be worth it! So I will spend less time angry and more time focused on my academics and getting a full time job.

I remember living insuranceless before and it was hard (spent all of college uninsured) so I’m praying that I stay as healthy as possible and I am praying that I really use living in these shoes. I know there are MANY people who have lost jobs, living on much less than they wish they had and living with out insurance. You learn a lot when you are in shoes that you have never worn before! I pray I use the experience for good! If you are in these shoes with me…stay focused!!! Stay alert!! Stay Positive!! I know the time will come that I will get a full time job again, I will get treatment and I will be able to stress less (one day right :)) Until then, I will stay positive 🙂

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