Tonight I was again irritated at my pain! I have a strong desire to be perfect, to be good (and in my mind that means perfect!) and to excel at whatever I do! My first assignment of the semester was graded, a 96/100. Is that bad? Goodness no but is it the 100/100….no and that frustrated me! Why?
I can only say it must be my OCD to be perfect! Goodness there are sooo many more assignment due and honestly I learn best by mistakes. But still, when I know I didn’t get the perfect grade and other did…makes me get very annoyed at my painful life. I’m tired of the pain, the daily torture and the total lack of understanding by a great portion of people. The “you look great so you most feel great” gets so old, and frustrating.
The thing I have to do ( and I encourage you to do) is look for the positive! Have hope, I hope that soon ( maybe even the next assignment) will be good. Be thankful for what you do get….I got an A…with all I have going on…WOW!!! I should be ecstatic! And yes a part of me is, for sure!
It may be hard but focus not on this one exit in life but think about the journey ahead! That’s what I am telling myself tonight, one small grade plays a part but don’t let one small part derail the big part. For me the big part is learning! Learning to remember and learning to grow!
If you are fighting an invisible disease, I admire you for anything and everything you do! It is hard, I struggle every day to study and work. But like you, I will push through! I hope that you push through and fight for your dreams…despite the pain! Have hope, let go of the desire to be perfect and focus on the big journey ahead!