Do you ever grieve your loss? Do you ever grieve for what your disease had taken away? I do not know about you but yes I grieve! I mourn my loss of the future I had planned, and I ache for the life (especially my energy) I once had in life.
This week I have spent most of my “free” time in bed. Hurting so bad, I got barely any sleep and it just seemed like the pain never would end! And I grieved, I wanted my pain to go away so bad! I would have paid so much money to wake up one day pain free.
But you know just like we lose a loved one, a job, a friend, money, etc. we have to go through the stages of grief. We have to be frustrated with our pain. We have to deny our “new normal”, and yes we bargain to change things. But in the end no matter our anger, our frustration, our bargaining, and our denial….ultimately we have to accept it!
We have to have a funeral for our lost futures, and accept our new ones. We have to memorialize who we were and move on to who we are now. We have to start over, in the journey of our new normal.
And you know just like with death, we move on but there are days it still hurts. My father has been gone four years and there are days it hurts like it was yesterday. I mourned his loss this week, and I grieved my loss this week.
As I sat in bed and cried in pain…I grieved. But tonight I am again starting down the journey of accepting my new normal. One step at time, one day at a time!