Ahhhhh!!! I have laid in bed since earlier this evening…and yet sleep still eludes me! My hips and knees feel broken…my ankles are swollen and the rest of me….well if there were words to describe it…I would use them! Yes I am annoyed…annoyed because so many people (yes even today) give me speeches on how great I look, how much I do and how I must be feeling great….because I look great!
If only those people could see the true life I live! If they could see how I can barely move, or if they could see the tears shed because my body hurts so bad! If they could sit up and talk to me because I cannot sleep thanks to my pain! But alas they are not here! They don’t get to see my anguish and suffering and so they don’t understand the life that comes with RA and Fibro. And to be honest, it is heartbreaking!
It makes me so thankful for people who do understand! Although in my face to face life…..that number is probably less than what I can count on one hand! I am thankful for E, her texts all day keep me smiling and pushing on! I love checking emails because L usually sends me stuff when she can, makes her seem like she lives next door. And R wow, she is like a big sister and she keeps me going when so many times i want to quit! I’m thankful for my husband who tries so hard to ease my pain and waits so patiently to help while I cry in pain. I am thankful for them and others who do their hardest to understand the life of invisible pain that I live with every day.
Having an invisible disease is not easy! It makes you so strong but at the same time, some days you do just want people to get what you live with daily! Yes I am strong but I need a hug and to be carried some days! For those that do carry me, thank you! To those that don’t….please try to understand me!
Don’t ignore me for months and send me one line messages about how much you think about me….when obviously if in the last 7-12 months you have done a horrible job of keeping in touch! Your actions don’t match your words! Please remember, match your actions to your words! And don’t tell me…you look great so you must be feeling better! That doesn’t help me! Please don’t treat me like I’m an invalid and someone who cannot contribute, I may have barriers in my life but I have proven to be resilient!
Yes ahhhh that’s a pretty accurate description of the way I feel! I hope tomorrow the ahhhh is replaced with a smile 🙂 again!