I stopped today to reflect where the river of life has taken me….sadly….no I did not end up fulfilling all my childhood dreams…at least not yet! I am not even close to being what I thought I wanted to be when I grew up and I will probably not end up in a career that I ever thought I would…at least I won’t if I stay on this track. Part of me says that is cool…I started on point A and now as the river of life twists and turns I have seen, grown and changed.
Despite the changes my body has gone through living with RA/Fibro…I am still so happy that I am doing things. Even though the things I am doing…hehehe are not what I ever though I would be doing. Like tonight (and many other nights this semester) I spent hours reading a journal (on psychometric properties involved in a RG study) and then I studied statistics! Wow if someone had told me when I was little that this is what I would be doing at this point in my life….hah I would have rolled my eyes and laughed! But that doesn’t mean that just because I am not where I thought I would be….that I have “failed.” In fact I have gained. I have two degrees down…never thought I would do that….and I’m working on a terminal degree (totally never saw that happening). I have traveled around the world…never thought I ever would! I’ve seen Africa, India and Europe with my own eyes! Amazing! I would not trade those experiences for the world.
I guess that point to my rambling brain tonight is just because you are not where you thought you would be in life….doesn’t mean you have not experienced some pretty amazing things. Life is a river that twists and turns but wow if we see life as something that we can always learn from and change with….what doors will open for us! I cannot wait to see what the rest of this semester brings, what being in a doctoral program for a few years does for my life, or even where I will end up in a few years after I am done! That is a whole new world to me and I cannot wait to experience the twists and turns!
Sadly I know the twists and turns will come at great cost, great painful cost to my body. But I fight with my brain every day and make it work, I make myself get out of bed, and I make myself think even when thinking is so hard. Why? Because I (and you) have a purpose here, we are supposed to be somebody and do something, and I refuse to be stopped because I feel so downright crappy. Yes some weekends/days I spend all day in bed….but the next day I am up and pushing forward! Life is a marathon race…you just have to keep pushing forward, day after day and you just have to go with the flow! Don’t let your pain stop you…keep doing something for yourself and then for those around you!