It did happen…

I woke up this morning and I think my first thought was …wow yesterday did happen. It was surreal returning to campus this morning…the fog was heavy and as I drove by the school for my entrance it was hard to believe that just yesterday our campus was crawling with SWAT, HRT, canine units, FBI,  and many more law enforcement officials. The campus was so quiet today….staff/faculty and students were still in shock. I cannot help how tomorrow will feel because the T/TH students (those who come) will be the students who were for sure there on that day…yes that day! The day we won’t forget!

I’m reminded how insensitive the news can be…the reports have not necessarily been the most accurate. I was reminded how cruel people can be asking questions like “Did you see anything good”, “did you see a lot of blood”, “oh you are fine now”, “how was it hiding under a desk” and much more. I think even more painful to read are the text messages saying things are good and I must be ok! Ok….that would not be the word I would use today! I won’t be ok for awhile!

The comforting texts were the ones simply saying “I thought of you today” Those texts spoke volumes of comfort! So tonight…again I’m catching myself replaying for the 100th time the events of yesterday (not last year…not another lifetime…not someone elses’ story…my story). Yes again…we didn’t have the outcome other campuses have experienced, praise God for that…but we went through a traumatic experience no one should go through anywhere much less where you are going to school. You expect to be safe..you want to be safe on a college campus. It is so sad with that haven of safety has been torn down.

I will never forget the words that brought fear to us all…I will never forget the fear in students eyes, the panic they felt, and I hope that if nothing else we can grow through this and use it for good…..

So today…just processing…

 

5 thoughts on “It did happen…

  1. Maybe I should rephrase that last sentence I just sent. OKAY Physically- you weren’t in the line of fire. Well of course you are shook up! What a nightmare, what a helpless feeling! I can’t beging to imagine the thoughts that you are processing today.

  2. Oh my God! I read your post “Thinking….yes still thinking” and had no idea what happened. So i am in the process of reading your previous posts when i just landed on this one.
    Before I go through the previous ones to find out what happened I would like to tell you that true it is very traumatic. reading just a lil bit about it and without having a clear idea, i already feel disturbed and worried. but i wasn’t there, so cannot 100% relate what you must have gone though / witnessed. But there’s one thing i would like to say – it might be impossible to forget / not think about it, but try to divert your mind when you can. Stress can take it’s toll on fibromyalgia. take care. warm hugs.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment..that day was so emotionally traumatic. I never thought I would ever to deal with this…I guess in the back of my mind I thought it could happen. But you know you always think it won’t. But I hope to use the experience for good…in time anyways

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