Wow so much has gone on in the past few days. I have literally crawled into bed when I get home and rested. Monday, I worked all day….it felt weird but at the same time so nice. In my mind, I went back to before RALF..before Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and Lupus changed my life. I used to be able to (in my old life) work from sun up to sun down. And even then I had energy to go out, study, and hang out with friends into the early morning hour.
Now, I work one full day of work and then I end up exhausted and in bed as soon as I get through the door. But you know, I am hoping that maybe after a week or two my body will get accustomed to the busier work schedule. Thankfully, this week I did not have class…next week ….on Wednesday evening I will be in class from 4:40-9:50p.m.! Ugh! And then I drive home 😦
Do you ever wish you had your old energy back? Do you ever wish you were not taking some 15 pills a day? Do you ever wish you could get to sleep, and wake up feeling refreshed? I don’t think I have gone to bed at a decent hour and actually slept in a long time. Even this week, I would go lay in bed and toss/turn to get some sleep, yet still I would wake up in pain, with swollen joints, and even with a fever two nights this week.
Once this week, I woke up feeling so anxious and tired. I am not sure why…but in my mind I added my list – three classes, full work schedule, etc. etc. and I was amazed at how much I have going on in my life. Not that being busy is a bad thing…because I honestly prefer to be busy and have things keeping my attention…but wow I didn’t realize I could pack so much into my crazy life.
I am making amazing friend with my office Outlook calendar! I managed to get it synced to my phone! WOOHOO! I have added my tentative homework assignments…this is to help me stay organized. I have noticed that my fibro fog is getting worse….so I’m tying to find inventive ways to ensure that I don’t forget something. Two great (sadly) examples of my fibro fog this week.
I pulled out my schedule, organized my binders, and got everything ready for my Wednesday class. Then after all that work was done… I stopped and re-read my schedule…I had three classes versus two classes. I could not remember registering for the third class…I know I did because I paid for it. But it was one o those…I knew it, I did it but for just a few minutes…I could not recall having done it, or even having that third class! ANNOYING!
The second example, my husband and I were picking up Leia from doggy day care. I was driving, he said to get out and switch seats so he could finish driving us home. I pulled the parking break, undid my seat belt and opened my door….and then I couldn’t understand why the car was slowly rolling as I took my foot off the break….then I looked down…I had not put the car in park! : (
Another example….I got online this week and paid my student loan bill….only Friday I realized I paid it again….after I paid in Monday! The federal government is going to love my double payment this month! OMG!!! So I’m seeing my memory going….it comes and goes. I am a lot foggier in the mornings but I think using outlook, writing things down (I didn’t use to), and staying on top of my things will help tremendously.
Wow folks….my LAST fall semester is beginning! I cannot believe it! Crazy times, crazy times! I hope that it goes smoothly…I know in my ways it will be one for the books. I pray that I can do it..I pray that despite the Rheumatoid Arthritis pain/flares, the Fibromyalgia pain/flares/fibro fog, the Sjogrens irritating of my eyes, and the Lupus issues, that despite all of those things I finish strong.
Keep me in your prayers and your thoughts, send me how I can pray over your needs! Trust me, we all have a lot going on . From sickness in our own bodies, to the loss of loved ones, to financial worries, to educational worries, and even to what job am I going to get worries. It is not easy, RA,Lupus, and Fibro do nto make life easy. Life is crazy, insane, hard, and many other things…sadly our journey has even more added to it.
But I want to encourage you….even when the going gets rough..don’t give up! I have had many many many dark days…where I am so tired, and I hurt so bad…and it feels like no one in the world cares. Don’t give up! There is someone out there that cares for you, that person is me! I care that you suffer, I care that you feel so much pain, and I care that you feel so alone! I have been there, and I hope and pray if that is you tonight..that you know..you are not alone!
Don’t let RA, Fibro, and Lupus take over your life! Don’t be defined by it…live it, learn it, and share it! Raise your voice, let someone else know your journey and one day..I have hope that one day….our pain will have a cure! Heck, maybe it will be some special shampoo we use or lotion we use (in our dreams right!). One day hopefully it won’t be treated by the crappy chemo medicine or biologic medicine MANY of us take, maybe one day…we can drink Starbucks and have the cure to RA, Lupus, or Fibro (how cool would that be!).
I know…I”m cheesy but still…the bottom line is…don’t feel alone and as if no one cares. Despite that overwhelming pain…I hope you see and find some good!
Have a great night! 🙂