Wow so hard to believe in less than two days it will be 2014! I never thought I would see this day….for some reason as a kid living in the 2000 years seemed so hard to believe. I thought I would be sooooo old…..well that part is true at least! I started this blog back in 2011 because I felt so isolated. I felt that no one else probably suffered like me, no one else probably had those nights that they couldn’t sleep because they hut so bad, and no one else could tell the day before it was going to rain. Right….I was the only one feeling this way! The good news is I now know that no …. I am not the only one who suffers with this invisible pain!
Through my three years of writing on this blog I have seen myself grow up into a smart, determined, stubborn, ambitious 27 year old who has dreams to being someone and changing the world. I have seen my body become less and less cooperative as I work my way through a doctoral program. I have seen my pain sometimes triple due to the stress of school, a full time job, and managing my family/personal life. Yes, 2013 has been a challenge; however, many blessings have come to me in 2013.
I have managed to get one year closer to being Dr.! This time in 2014 I hope to be months away from graduation! Can you believe it…10 years ago this year….I started college as a young (16 year old), naive, homesick freshman. Wow how time has flown! I had a daddy then….a daddy that I did not realize how much he meant to me until he was gone in 2008. I look back over the past 10 years and realize there has been heartache (the loss of my father in 2008), there has been love (marriage in 2009), there has been pain (officially started Rheumatoid Arthritis/Lupus medicine in 2010), and there has been success (Bachelors earned in 2007, Masters earned in 2011, and a doctorate started in 2012). There are been a roller coaster of life lived in the past year and the past 10 years.
Tears come to my eyes as I sit and think….wow Daddy you have missed so much! I visited my father this past week…his grave is a small remembrance of what greatness he left behind. I realized I want to leave behind greatness too. I want to know that I touched at least one life with my story, through my pain, and through my determination to do something in life despite some very overwhelming odds.
Life can throw some major boulders in your life. I know I have seen some boulders and I know others have seen even greater obstacles than I. Regardless, I hope that through your pain you find my words of some comfort or of some hope. I am so thankful for my faith, I know I don’t talk of my faith often but I know I could not have gotten this far in my journey with out the many prayers offered up for me. For those prayers, I am eternally grateful! I am grateful that I now know….I am not alone! I have gained friends, I have gained a support group, and I have gained people who understand what it is like to live this journey.
What 2014 will bring…..we do not know yet! But I am excited to being the new year with a renewed hope. I am excited to start 2014 with goals of getting one step closer to finishing this academic journey that I started. We will mark 6 years Daddy since you left us for a much better place….I only can hope that you are as proud of me as I am of being your daughter! I hope that this year brings us one step closer to finding a better way to treat our pain. I hope at the end of 2014, I can say again “Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Sjogrens, and Fatigue you did not win this year!”
Hope, Faith, and Determination! Those are the things that keep me anchored…those are the things that I will carry from 2013 into 2014. I pray that you have a wonderful end of the year celebrating what all 2013 has brought you. For those who lost loved ones in 2013, I remember that raw pain. I say a prayer for you and ask that your pain will ease in 2014.
Have a blessed end of 2013 and welcome to 2014!