Do you ever wish one day you would wake up and your body wouldn’t feel as if it was being crushed, infected by a nonstop flu, and feeling as if you have fun 10 marathons with no sleep? I know I do! Living with an invisible painful exhausting disease is draining. Too many days I spent putting a smile on my face and acting normal (or trying to act normal). So few can tell on the outside just how much I am hurting on the inside. I grave the nights I could sleep…now I toss and turn so much all night trying to find that one spot that gives me some relief even just for a few hours.
I often wonder about healing…..as someone who has faith and believes in salvation/eternal life through Jesus Christ…I do have that assurance of a healed body one day…a day with out pain..a place with out sickness. But today….tomorrow…etc. the days before that happens I often wonder….how do others handle the non-stop days of exhaustion/pain?
There are many days I feel as if a rock is weighing on my shoulders….trying to find to think clearly through the Fibro fog. Or usually trying to write a paper, do some homweork, or write a dissertation while trying to dig my way out of major fatigue. Then you know I realize I hate to complain. I would rather push myself than stop and explain it to myself (or others) how I have to stop and take a nap. Sometimes I feel as if I am such a baby needing a nap just about every day…afterall most adults can go all day with out a nap. But you know..an adult like me…an adult with an invisible illness..they might need a nap (or two or three) throughout the day.
It is hard many days to battle through these diseases that are taking our life and making it interesting. The pain, the swollen joints, and the side effects of our chemotherapy…it sucks. It sucks when people don’t understand our life and it hurts when our closest friends don’t try and understand our life and our pain. I found out today though..how awesome it was to text a friend who lives like me. I simply said “I need a hug” and she responded back so quickly….”hugs!” And that made my day.
It doesn’t matter how many days we get down…because hey we are fighting some major things…but every time we get down we HAVE to pull ourselves up and go “there is something that we can do for ourselves and others.” I tell myself…I’m almost done with this degree..and the papers I write..might one day get published and help someone out there. It sounds lame…but paper writing is a way to get my ideas out there..my ideas that might interest someone else. Crazy huh!
If you are hurting tonight….know you are not alone! Know that you can fight this disease and know you are strong! You will do awesome and amazing things!
#keepfighting #spoonies #squeakers #hope #thisdiseasewontwin