Have you had those days where you feel frustrated that you have an autoimmune disease that does what it wants when it wants? Sometimes I find myself angry at how little control I have over my RA, Lupus, and Fibromyalgia. While I still get things done, I have all but realized setting appointments/dates/plans are just almost impossible. Why? Because it all depends how I wake up in the morning!!! Frustrating yes?
Some mornings, I can get out of bed and get to things. Other mornings I wake up and realize..I can hardly move much less get dressed, put on make up, etc. The pain or the fatigue are mind numbing so I sit in bed for a few more minutes. All the while mentally seeing a clock countdown the hours before work. I know every second I’m in bed is one less second I have to actually push myself to walk out the door.
Exhausted I wake up, get off the bed, and start my day. I grit my teeth in pain as I open drawers, pull clothes off the hanger, and try to clear my brain fog. And yes I grow frustrated by how I always hope, maybe tomorrow it will be just a bit different.
Don’t get my wrong, the Enbrel has helped…where I used to have to come home and take a 5hr nap…I can now home and rest (sometimes nap) before I get to moving. I’m just not sure Enbrel and Imuran are doing enough. I see my rheumy on Monday, I hope to ask her about going back to MTX…it wasn’t enough back when but maybe combined with Enbrel it will be enough.
Am i grateful I can move today…yes I am…I know others who cannot or even today are in the hospital. So yes I am….but I am still tired and frustrated! But I am going to try and start my day over refocusing on what I did get done this week/today versus letting myself get frustrated by what I didn’t get done.
Positivity…trying to be positive 🙂