This week has been one of those weeks. Life has been crazy, many things going on. I have finally finished work for this year. No more work until 2015! Well that is my full time job, I am spending every day working on edits that my chairs have for me. They both have been doing an awesome job helping me get this dissertation ready to go to Graduate Studies/Library in the Spring. I am also working hard to write the final chapter. I don’t know why it seems so hard, I’ve written/erased so many times as I write the final chapter. I have four pages done, which is close to what the chapter might end up still! I haven’t reached the end, at least not in my mind. And I am learning that there can always be a better way to write and say things, the cool part about editing my dissertation…is that I remember writing it. Then given a few weeks (or more) and other people reading it…I see how it could have been better. So the document is turning out to be really good! I’m very excited to see what the final pieces will look like in the Spring.
We also have been doing a lot of thinking about our future. We received news this week that wasn’t new that I wanted to hear. I guess as a young woman (under 50 feels young right!) the words “infertility” are hard to take. Many thoughts come up, like why did I want to wait so long before I started my family. I always rationalized that if I was done with my education before I started a family..then I was making a smart choice. I saw countless times where the woman would stop her education/stay at home and then something would happen. The woman would then struggle to find a job, gain experience, and take care of her kids. I was determined that before I had a child I would be settled, have my career, and my education. Although now I realize that I won’t be having a baby of my own. That hurts, it hurts because in a way (while I cannot “prove it”) I feel that a lot of the problems I have are from my Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. I know I was so excited when I heard of biologics available that could potentially allow for childbirth. I thought the words my first rheumy told me of not being able to have kids because of staying on meds, I thought those words were likely to change. It is a big adjustment, now we are thinking about what will our future be with kids. At this point we have several options including an egg donor, national adoption, or international adoption. Much to think about for sure, an adjustment that will take time. The good news is that I did get an appointment with an infertility specialist, she is supposed to be very good. And she so helped work me in to see her in January. It is a new journey on this RALF journey.
I’m off to learn more about structure coefficients! 🙂 My reliability generalization study is demanding I add a bit more statistics for clarity sake. I trimmed but I also need to add a few more. YAY!
Thank you all for your prayers, support, and love! I have appreciated growing along side you this year!