Joy, joy comes from an unbroken spirit! We fight so hard every day, sometimes just opening our eyes takes everything that we have. Sometimes the doctor appointments leave us more broken with less answers and less hope. Or at times our loved ones and friends leave us feeling at a loss, or with the feeling that this world doesn’t understand our world of chronic pain.
Sure we can describe our world! We can share how just one day is for us – the intense pain, the weakness in our hands, the complete loss of energy to just do the basics like get out of bed and brush our teeth, or even trying to get sleep. But truly our world is so hard to get because the bottom line is, we might look fine.
I’ve heard so many times in my life since my dx in my early 20’s……you look great today so you must be better! What the world fails to see is the true picture of me. The real me, the hurting me. I can count on one hand the people I’ve opened the door too, who get to see the real broken me. The person who cries at night because she can’t even open her toothpaste tub. The person who needs help getting dressed or showered. Yes that person exists, that person is me. The person who stared for two days at her pickle jar, because she was home alone and couldn’t open it. The person who wanted ketchup for her Mac and Cheese but whose hands couldn’t open the bottle. The person who has had to learn to be creative to open the Peanut Butter jar but who couldn’t get the jelly because she couldn’t get the lid off. Yes that’s me again!
But despite those things, despite the crappy hands, the never ending pain, I want to be joyful! Why? Because life is too short to let these thinfs (and much more) break the spirit of joy. There is good somewhere in the day, there is joy to bless one person every day (at least). That is a choice, many days a tough choice but I am glad every day I make the choice to smile, put on my face, get dressed, and push forward for my joy moment! It is just that a moment, a moment we might work all day to find, but when we do…it makes our day.